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leahanne 
10:12pm, September 19, 2009
So, yeah...it's been a long time. I have been going through a lot, and trying to keep it all together. Basically, I've come to the conclusion that I am extremely unhappy with my life and need to make some changes. With that being said...I have made some decisions.
1. I need to go back to school...so I've done some research and am seriously considering the field of phlebotomy. It sounds kind of interresting...poking nice people with needles and stealing their blood. LOL consider it part of my vampire obsession.
2. My marriage is a wreck...totalled, and beyond repair. So, I'm saving as much as I can and planning to move out. We discussed it and he refuses to find a new place, so it's up to me to do so to make myself more stable and possibly happy.
3. There are very few people in this world you can actually depend on. I have friends...and I have acquaintances...but I do not have many people that I can depend on to help me out of a tight spot or that I can call at 4 in the morning when I have had a nightmare...*shrug* it's okay though...I'm fine with that.
4. The people I care about are few...and they are worth it. You all know who you are *wink* Everyone is going through something and I understand that. There have been many times I wish I had been there for people but just couldn't muster the strength to do so. I plan to change that...I mean, how can I expect those people to be there for me if I can't return the favor.
So...that's enough for now I would think. I do want to apologize for just vanishing off the face of the interwebz and not letting anyone know that I was ok. You all deserve much better than that...especially from me. I am sorry...from the bottom of my heart.
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Comments
Just wanted to say I found this inspirational because I'm working on getting goals and bettering my life, too. I also recently got out of a negative relationship. Give yourself cred and hang in there. It's great that you're taking care.
EllaA
Oh how I’ve missed you.
I am so proud of you L...the hardest part isn’t realising what’s wrong, but trying make your life better. And you’re really trying.
I think going back to school is a fantastic idea. I actually had to google phlebotomy, and if withdrawing blood is something that interests you then I’m really glad you’re going to go back into education to do what you want to do. I didn’t know you had a vampire obsession though !
On a more solemn note, I know you’ve made a very difficult decision regarding your marriage, and I’m so very sorry :-(. I can’t even begin to imagine what things must be like for you right now...how hard that decision must be to reach. You know what’s best for you though, and although I’m sure your leaving won’t be followed by immediate happiness, I'm hopeful that your happiness will reappear. Your children are going with you though, right ?
I want you to know that you can depend on me. I may not always be around right now, but I’m trying my very hardest to start replying to messages again and commenting on journals. I know I can’t physically help you since I’m too far away, but I am around to talk to if you need me.
Which leads me onto your fourth point. I hope I’m still one of those people you care about. The past few months have been really hard for me (as I’m sure they have been for you also) and I couldn’t be there for myself, let alone anyone else. I’m trying to get back on track with those close to me, and I still see you as one of those people. You matter to me now just as much as you did before, and I hope that feeling’s mutual.
No apologies are needed lovely. I remember giving you SUCH a hard time when you disappeared the first time, because I missed you so much and I was really worried about you. I know we sorted all of that out, but then having disappeared myself, and receiving a range of different reactions when I started to reappear...well it made me realise that my reaction to you wasn’t a supportive one. I will say that I reacted that way because I loved you, but I also understand now that sometimes people just can’t talk to people, and that true friends should be understanding of that. I think the second time you disappeared it was around the same time as I did...and we both had our reasons. So I don’t want an apology – I don’t deserve an apology. I’m just sorry we’ve missed each other for so long.
You’re so strong L, you have so much to deal with and yet you’re still fighting, and still discovering new ways to make your life better. You have true courage, and I’m incredibly proud of you.
I love you, and I hope you’re managing ok. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
toocool4fairyschool
Leahanne it is so nice to see you back and see that you are feeling better.... no apologies needed at all..... I was worried but know you are a strong woman and knew you would come out the other end even stronger.......
sorry to hear about your marriage.... thats never an easy decision I know..... but it sounds like you are clear in your mind about what you want... going back to school sounds great (and I much prefer a phlebotomist than a bumbling doc!).... you sound positive and full of hope and thats such a lovely thing to see
so glad you are back... :)
rubyblue
sweetheart you dont have to apologise at all, hunni sometimes life hurts so much that coming into ds isnt something we can always do , can actually just get all too overwhelming. I believe hunni you needed time out to try to work out whats what and to make some difficult decisions. Although I have to say Im so so happy your back hun, missed u like crazy and always wondered if you were ok.
Im sorry to hear that your marriage isnt working out but you are so strong hun because you are going to change it to try to make a better life for yourself and your children. Your entry was amazing to read, wow hun Im so proud of you, you are trying whatever it takes to change your life and be happy again, you know I wish you the best of luck in all that you do and remember Im always here if you need someone. angel hugs xxxx
SilentAngel