Kat887's Journal

I got drunk dialed by my own father. I can't stand him. He started out very sappy, asking me why we aren't close anymore and that he misses me. I told him very simply that it's complicated and that I've been through a lot. He immediately started yelling at me, telling me what a bitch I am and how selfish and wrapped up in myself I can me. He said that I need to get over the past and that no one wants to hear my whining. I got so mad and so hurt. He's so cruel. And I get so mad because it's their fault! They looked the other way while one neighbor sexually harrassed me for years and another one raped me. I wanted to scream at him, "Wanna know why we're not close anymore? Because you never protected me! Because you beat me and called me names when you were drunk! Because you were a terrible excuse for a father and I suffered the consequences!" I can't sleep. I'm so wound up because of this. I am so sick of being held captive to my parent's whims. One minute they love me, the next they hate me. It's more than I can bear. I have worked so hard to get where I am. I fought so hard against depression and self injury and have been so successful in school. And now I have to put up with these people who call themselves my family tearing me down??? I have enough to cope with; nightmares, flashbacks, urges to hurt myself. I don't need this and it's not fair!!!