galed7956's Journal

I hope that God is reading this entry because I still feel so horrible.  I feel so shaky and my chest feels so weird.  I know that my heart was hurting on Thursday on the way home and then yesterday I had a horrible headache that felt alright when the lights were out but when they were on WOW!!!!   I used to get migraines before and thought they were bad but my head hurt so bad I thought someone took it off and then tried putting it back but missed a connection or something because I couldn't bellieve how it hurt when I turned the lights on.  My chest is as shaky as I am.  It actually feels anxious - know that sounds funny but that is how it feels.  I think that my heart wants OUT  and I wouldn't blame it if it did.  I could have had a stroke or heart attack Thursday so figures that my head and heart would hurt.  I can't figure out if I took the medicine or not.  It's funny because I can't remember that but I remember where I went.  I do remember opening my pill case and seeing a couple of water drops but I don't remember when I did that.  The only being that knows what happened is God himself!!  I am seeing the Endro on Tuesday so tomorrow I have to arrange my ride with Pocono Pony to Allentown.  I stopped at the hospital on that day and picked up my info about the cortisol levels and the papers that were there when I was in the hospital.  I noticed that there was a mention of a UTI on the first addmisson.  I have some long words to look up to find out what they mean.  I also have so many nice doc's oppinions about what they think I have and what they think I should do to take care of those problems.  I think the doc's have those problems not me.  The only thing I try to do everyday is survive and  find someone or something to do so that I don't get bored or lonely.  I talked to Nick today for awhile and then hung up because they were going to get him ready for bed.  I was sitting on the bed when the phone rang.  It was his nurse telling me that he had fallen when he insisted to do something that they told him not to try doing. He fell on his knees and she said that they checked his knees and him out thouroughly to make sure that he was alright.   I know that last night when I talked to him he was getting out of bed when he's not supposed to because of his toe and the fact that he can't get around that good anymore.  I was screaming through the phone asking him what he was doing.  Finally he said that he was trying to figure out what that beeping noise was coming from then I told him to stay in bed and let the nurse take care of it.  After he pushed his button the nurse was there in 5 minutes and took care of the beeping.  I reminded him that he had to stay in bed and call the nurse if he needed anything.  Well as usual Nick never listens even to me so tonight the nurse asked me to call him and explain that he had to listen to the nurses and stay in bed or they were going to put a monitor on him so they knew if he was getting out of bed.  I told the nurse that I would call him and talk to him as nicely as I could.  He didn't answer the phone because he had fallen to sleep so I got his nurse again,  told her that I thought I would call her and give her a rest from the writgers cramp because Nick wasn't answering.  She laughed at that one and said that one of the other nurses was waking him.  I intended to be nice but I don't know about you ladies here and how you handled your spouses's but I alway am nice the first several times and then after it starts getting monotinous then I tell him not so nicely what he has done and what he should do.  Well I guess tonight was that night.  I got him on the phone and asked him why he didin't listen to the nurse that told him not to try what he did that caused him to fall on his knees?  He should know better than to not listen to the nurses's because their being paid to take care of him besides the fact that his toe is infected AGAIN after they took all the tissue plus the toe nail off down to the bone to get rid of the infection that was there in the first place.  He should know better than what he did tonight.  Then I proceeded to tell him that he should pay the nurse and then appologize for what he had done because he was sitting down at the desk filling out mounds of paperwork because he fell and they want to know how it happened and for what reason and a step by step description about the events that proceeded and then came after the fall. This state is very hard on patients falling.  His nurse was working over night but that doesn't mean that she doesn't have any other patients besides him.  I said that at this moment she was filling out papers on the reason why he fell and didn't listen to the nurses's that had warned him to not do what he did to cause the fall.  Then I told him that if he persissted in getting out of bed by himself to do anything that that old alarm was coming back so that the nurses's would know if he moved let alone got out of bed.  I then told him that I got a letter about something that we had to deal with so while I knew that he wasn't enjoying getting dressed down we might as well handle this new problem.  I told him that they were changing their non-smoking policy out at the home.  He said that it wasn't true.  I said I got a letter telling me that they were going to arrange rooms for people that wanted to smoke in the blue building (where he is) and also an area outside on the grounds for smoking.  I also told him that if I ever hear that he smoked or handled even one cigarette I would (he then interruped and said "get a divorce" and I said "no not yet")not call or come out to see him.  He kept insisting that he didn't smoke before and  I finally said,  after getting tired of hearing this because I know that he was lying,  that he smoked outside and had a pack of cigarettes in his drawer one day before the surgery and if he forgot anything about the smoking it was from the  anesthesia he got.  I reminded him that he was in his Social Workers office when I called to talk to her about him having a pack of cigarettes in his drawer and smoking outside. The nurse then said " I don't know why we're giving him med's for his vascular disease when he insist's on smoking which is defeating the purpose."  Up until then I didn't know that he was smoking again.  After I told Brandy his Social Worker all of this she asked Nick if he had a pack of cigarettes in his drawer and he said "yes"  then she asked him if he was smoking on the home's premises and he said "yes".  Then Brandie asked him if he wanted to get "kicked" off the premises because the policcy was non-smoking.  I then told Brandy to tell him that I couldn't get a ride out there to pick him up off the street outside the nursing home until 2 days later beause I had to arrange it with Pocono Pony.   Well anyway he did his normal thing which he thinks will make me upset because he doesn't want to hear anymore - he hung up.  I am so used to that "if you are going to give me the third degree then I'm hanging up and lettting you suffer because you can't talk to me anymore" that I just let it go and don't call him.  He also mentioned to me that the pack of cig's is still in his drawer.  So tomorrow I'm going to really give him something to hang up about.  I'm getting ahold of his Nurse or Brandy and telling them he still had the pack of cig's in his drawer as of last night and he said before that he was going to toss them but lied as usual.  I really don't need him to act like a baby right now but men are famous for that.  They just love to push your buttons then play the poor person routine and if that doesn't work then it's time to hang up the phone.  Oh well I told her nurse that even though he said his knees feel fine give them a couple of days and lets see how they feel.  Well I had better cut this drama for today short.  Someone told me to write a book and I'd probably have a best seller and make lots of money.  I am going to copy all these journal entries and put them together then sell my book and take all of you out on the town - we'll have a blast minus any men.   Hugsssssss to everyone and have a great Monday    galed