Littledude's Journal

Ive been really struggling since leaving hospital, i struggle to keep food down, i struggle to not eat and eat and eat, i struggle to pretend im not struggling. It was easier before when i thought it was something pysical and i could just eat and puke eat and puke. now i have to try to stop it, i have to will the food to stay, and try really hard to not eat.

Im struggling right now. Its 3pm on a sunday afternoon and ive not been sick at all today, thats really good and i should be proud, but im really feeling anxious. I dont have any kind of plan for sundays, they just happen. Kev drops me home when hes ready to, today it was really early, we sat in a pub and i just looked at the menu for ages. anyway, we came home early, so i got myself some lunch. i still feel hungry after it, but it was small enough to stay down. pathetically small :-( I did my dads ironin for him, just for something to do, but i have no idea what im gunna do for the rest of the day, im alone now until about 8, and im so scared that im just gunna get bored and start eating and not be able to stop.

Ive had a few pints too, not that im pissed or anyhthing, but it just makes me so much hungryer. HMmm

What am i gunna do? im so much better than all this bollocks, i know i am, but its taken a hold of me and i cant free myself of it :-(

If i still smoked i would start chain smoking and not stop til dad gets back.

Im ranting now, so i will just go and try to amuse myself.

xxxx