AnxietyRidden's Journal

My daughter had her band concert last night.  It's such a wonderful feeling to reflect back on her concert from this time last year and what bad shape I was in compared to now.  I remember sitting in the seat closest to the door and having to go outside and walk around until the band started.  My panic was so out of control.  I was in a panic just thinking about having to go.  And as soon as she finished we left instead of listening to the 7th and 8th graders play. 

Last night I sat in an end seat not close to the door.  I was a little anxious at first and just took some deep breaths and relaxed my stomach muscle.  I decided to just listen.  Stop thinking and just relax and listen.  We watched the whole concert. (6th, 7th, and 8th graders played)  Then I drove us out of there amongst all that traffic with NO panic. 

Earlier today I started thinking about me, my life, my attitude, my outlook on things, and how I let the smallest things just agitate me.  So, I got in my car and drove 25 miles away to the book store and bought some positive books.  I really would like to become less stressed about such petty stuff.  I'd like to be a better person.  People that know me in person are intimidated by me.  I am the alpha female but on the inside all I want is for people to like me.  But I won't allow them to like me because of my raw, take charge, stop acting stupid attitude.  I find it hard sometimes for me to act silly and goofy and just have a good time.  I'm always embarassed that someone is going to be looking and saying how immature I am.  Anyways, I'm hoping to change all that.  I want to be an easier person.  Easily approached, easy to talk to, easy to smile, easy to like.  I guess like with alcoholism..acknowledgement is the first step. 

Hope everyone is having and anxiety free, blessed day!

Much Love to my DS friends,

Dawn