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Kates129 
Its hard to remember a time when I didn't feel tired. When I was young they said it was because I was overweight. That became true because I ate my way through being depressed about not keeping up with other kids. I tried to lose weight at that point. Everyone kept saying my weight was the problem so in the summer before my 4th grade year I decided to do something about it. I decided I wouldn't eat then ride my bike and swim all day until I was skinny. As a result I passed out while riding my bike and shattered my spleen, causing massive internal bleeding. I will always have a scar that runs the length of my stomach to remind me of that impressionable little girl. By the time I hit high school I had days when I couldn't walk and wondered why I wrote so much slower than everyone else. I thought I had a learning disability because I couldnt concentrate. My teachers said I was lazy, partly because of my weight and partly because I was. I was just so tired. I always felt like I had the flu all the time. They tested me for mono over 6 times in two years. Then the counselor told me I was clinically depressed. It was so cut and dry for everyone else but not me. I knew there was actually something wrong. I was replaced as editor of the yearbook because I missed so much time. I've never told anyone how much that cut me up. Its 5 years later and some times I just want to gather all those teachers in a room and scream "I WAS SICK." I went on to college but in my sophomore year I had to move back home with my parents. I thought I was going crazy. I let so many people down when I left school. I felt so alone. Then I started pushing my doctors again. I refused to lay down and die. They tested me for mono three more times. Finally, a nurse practitioner decided to do the tests that would lead to my RA diagnosis. God knows where I would be without her. Who would have known that being diagnosed with this disease would be the greatest news I could get? My demon had a name. I could fight it because I knew what it was.
Little did I know that the fight to prove myself had just begun. I was given a rheumatologist who was ok to leave me on ineffective medicine for 2 years that has made my stomach a mess. I did my best to find out information on my own but I couldnt find any answers. My disease progressed rapidly during this time. It mainly effects my hands and hips. The two worst places for a student. I finally found a great doctor who put me on Humira and I am doing much better. I am into excercise and fitness and hope to begin training to be a personal trainer next year. My new passion is to work with kids and adults with conditions like mine.
I went back to the college I started at and graduated only one semester behind. I just started a masters program. The fatigue has been terrible lately. Even the Provigil isn't helping. I am struggling in class but this is nothing new. I won't get discouraged if I can't keep going now. I will make it in the end. My parents try to understand but I know they are disappointed when I don't finish classes. Part of it is that I don't like them to worry so I lie about how Im feeling a lot so it comes as a suprise when I have to withdraw. I am far enough away to fake it. My mom has fibro and my dad worries so much..So I dont tell anyone. Thats why Im here. Im having a tough time being alone..or feeling like a burden when I tell people how Im feeling. I just want to say it was a bad day or a good day and have someone know what that means.
