Richeart's Journal

Exciting! Stripping down to a pair of cotton shorts to sweat in a small blanket-covered dome out in the middle to a ranch in South Texas. What suprised me was that it was co-ed. Now, now, settle down. The co-eds were a little younger and still in the same age group, all but one without gray hair. People of like spiritual minds and feelings. After four back-to-back sessions my shorts were soaked. Not much different than a sauna at the gym, except for the rituals and ceremonies. Later in the afternoon, when I got home, I was "wasted", relaxed (completely), and exhausted. It felt good. My anxiety level was clearly down. I had met the other members twice before, and still felt like an interloper, they've know each other for a while, and have done several, if not many, sweat-lodges together. I felt safe in the lodge, and not so safe by being outside their common knowledge of each other. Not knowing everone's history made it difficult for me to find common ground. Of course, they did not throw rocks at me or beat me with sticks, that's not the kind of loving and accepting people they are, it just felt uncomfortable based on my history of myself and all the new perceptions I'm changing as I recover from co-dependency. It's all good.

Also very tiring from a mental/memory standpoint in that the new location, the new orientation (where's north, where's east, etc.), the new personalities, new relationships. I did good, it was just a lot of new stimulation, therefore over-stimulation; emotionally AND physically. Especially after friday's session with my therapist, which was REALLY good. Amazing progress in just one hour.

So that's my report, I'm getting "less-sicker" as a codependent/narcissist. I'm learning to do things, think things, and feel things differently. I'm happy with my progres, today. Now...more practice with staliking my thoughts and how they try to interfere, block, and divert my connection to what I'm feeling.