Journal Entry for November 4, 2009
November 4, 2009 4:04pm
I really wanted to go to Al Anon last night and with car needing repair I asked mom if she wanted to go and nudged her a bit, and she got a lot out …
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Loved1 
3:57pm, October 16, 2009
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About Me
Loved1
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About Me
I journal daily and have for nearly all of 30 years. I like yoga, walking and hiking, baths and swimming, music, dance, nature, sunshine, recycling, spirituality, reading, karaoke, 12 step meetings and my doggie. I am clean and sober four 1/2 years now and go to 12 step meetings for recovery from marijuana addiction (MA) and alcohol (AA), and also Al Anon, which I get a lot of hope from and hope to get more involved in. I am grateful to be sober and in recovery and to realize it is a path that will help me be all I can be. I'm a survivor of emotionally abusive and codependent relationships. Counseling and reading helpful literature and support groups have helped. I have suffered from love addiction and my 12 step programs are helping me to detach and seek my higher power.
I journal daily and have for nearly all of 30 years. I like yoga, walking and hiking, baths and swimming, music, dance, nature, sunshine, recycling, spirituality, reading, karaoke, 12 step meetings and my doggie. I am clean and sober four 1/2 years now and go to 12 step meetings for recovery from marijuana addiction (MA) and alcohol (AA), and also Al Anon, which I get a lot of hope from and hope to get more involved in. I am grateful to be sober and in recovery and to realize it is a path that will
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Interests
I have hopes of growing in the following areas: get into the Al Anon program by getting an Al Anon sponsor, working the steps and attending regular meetings, make amends and work the 12 steps, be of service in my 12 step program by being able to work with others and have commitments, heal from abusive relationships and stay out of yet another one, get organized and declutter my life, build some friendships, be physically and emotionally fit. I'd like to get back in to belly dancing, and trust God. I need women friends in a big way as I tend to cling to men and this is a pattern I really need to do something about. I love Daily Strength! Being here is a big support and help to learn what friendship is all about. I also need to look at my home life living with my gambling addict dad and my codependent mom.
I have hopes of growing in the following areas: get into the Al Anon program by getting an Al Anon sponsor,
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Recent Activity
Recently:
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5 journal comments, 2 hugs received, 2 discussion posts, 2 journal posts, 1 hug given
Wednesday
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Loved1
wrote a discussion post in the Vegetarians & Vegans support group: Honey 4:13pmI was wondering why vegans don't use honey. Thanks :)…
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Loved1
wrote a discussion post in the Vegetarians & Vegans support group: Free Kibble 4:12pmHey all animal lovers, This is a cool website that gives you a trivia question each day on dogs and on…
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Loved1
wrote a journal entry: Journal Entry for November 4, 2009 4:04pmI really wanted to go to Al Anon last night and with car needing repair I asked mom if she wanted to…
Tuesday
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Loved1
gave margiesfriend
a hug 1:44pmGlad to get updated on your journals. Hope you continue to find your way with good support.…
Monday
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Loved1
wrote a journal entry: Journal Entry for November 2, 2009 5:47pmA little rundown with business despite a runny nose which has become a sore throat and heavy chest. Today…
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Journal
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Journal Entry for November 2, 2009
November 2, 2009 5:47pm
A little rundown with business despite a runny nose which has become a sore throat and heavy chest.
Today I got to walk to the busstop and to …
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Journal Entry for October 29, 2009
October 29, 2009 2:59pm
Odd I worried about Thanksgiving plans since my sis's family is in such a state of dis-ease - divorce, sis's live in addict bf the kids …
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Journal Entry for October 28, 2009
October 28, 2009 2:55pm
I realize pride is what keeps me from reaching out and asking for help. I didn't really realize that is what it is.
I also …
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Journal Entry for October 26, 2009
October 26, 2009 12:38pm
I went into the city and saw my sponsor at her meeting. I usually feel totally out of place there though I know people and am aquainted with …
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Hugbook
Chocolate
Thank you for the words of encouragement on my journal, it meant so much. I know halloween is finished but heres a cyber choccie for you - they are calorie free.
Hug
Thanks 4 the hug. I am hanging in there
Hug
Thanks :)
Thanks
I'm not familiar with all the steps Loved1 but I've noticed your comments are always experienced and encouraging and useful- Thank you for sticking around and congratulations to you for getting as far as you have- sharing the benefit of your experience and knowledge is exactly the kind of support so many are looking for here-
I’m With You
I appreciate your appreciation....And I appreciate the great job you're doing as moderator.
We're just doin' what we can, right?
There's sure a lot of co-dependent women posting on the board these days, aren't there?
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Codependency
I am realizing more and more what a theme this is for me, how detrimental it is, how much help I have yet to receive for it. I see how ingrained it is in my family role models. I want to learn more about this.
Treatments
- 12 Step Program Working / Worked
- Celebrate Recovery Working / Worked
- Reading Working / Worked
- \"Codependent No More\" Working / Worked
- This book is awesome as well as the part II version "Beyond Codependency"
Close Marijuana Addiction & Recovery
I am so glad I am addressing this and I am clean and sober and in recovery and working steps with a sponsor and attending some mariuana anonymous meetings, I couldn't do it without the support and understanding I find there. I go to AA more because it's more accessble and I thankfully qualify (have a desire to quit drinking)
Treatments
- AA Meetings Working / Worked
- Sharing experience strength and hope and the 12 steps keeping me clean and sober.
Open Physical & Emotional Abuse
Well I came here while going through an off & on period with a boyfriend who has been emotionally and verbally abusive, he and I are finally through, but I have family issues I still deal with. I have had many byfriends who were verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. A lot of my life has been spent trying to deal with and cope with this, and heal from this. It has not been an easy cycle to detach from.
Treatments
- Abuse Counseling Working / Worked
- Domestic Violence counseling was so helpful because it addresses the primary issue.
- Art Working / Worked
- drawing
- Forgiveness Working / Worked
- God forgives through me if I let God.
- Group Therapy Working / Worked
- Domestic Violence support group was interesting to know I'm not alone. It depended on the experience of counselor how helpful it was
- Leave Working / Worked
- It doesn't make the affects go away but it removed the abuse.
- Talking Working / Worked
- People who have read similar books on the subject and who have also received Domestic Violence counseling are very valued in their ability to relate and support me.
- Writing Working / Worked
- This is my Godsend - journaling and writing letters and sharing here.
Open Shyness
I tend to isolate myself and find relationships with mates where we are also isolated. I think shyness is about being self absorbed & self conscious. For me it reflects my lack of healthy boundaries - too loose or too tight - so I tend to avoid involvement so I don't get hurt, especially tending towards familiary and choice of unsafe people.
Treatments
- DailyStrength Working / Worked
- Love it!
- Pets Working / Worked
- Doggie helps me get out of my own head and learn to play and be of service, to not be so self centered
- Self-esteem Working / Worked
- The better I feel about myself & treat myself the more apt I am to reach out or not be so self centered
- Self-help Working / Worked
- A good book is Safe People by Townsend & Cloud
- Socializing Working / Worked
- It seems I overextend myself then withdraw or overanalyze myself or others. I feel safe at times, other times I don't.
Open Alcoholism
As a kid, Dad let me taste his beer, I developed a curiosity of Mom's liquor cabinet, as a young teen I drank socially to the point of vomiting, over & over, weekends, began to experiment with pot & switched from one to the other over the years, ended up working in a bar & drinking for free on the job with my marijuana constantly, never really could admit I was a problem drinker because it seemed so secondary to other things - worse drunks, the pot. Got help for pot & alchohol, clean & sober now
Treatments
- 12 Step Program Working / Worked
- Love those 12 Steps! Seem to be lingering on step 9 for far too long.
- AA Meetings Working / Worked
- So glad I fit in, had a hard time accepting I qualify, tend to still talk myself out of how helpful and needed this is for me.
- Al-Anon Working / Worked
- This helps me tremendously in dealing with other alcoholics like myself.
Open Sexual Abuse
Still a lot of shame in this area so it is not easy to share about. Early memory in really young childhood makes me wonder how it affects me. Consentual relationships still involved me putting myself in abusive situations, repeatedly. Recovering from job/career in exotic dance industry, harmful to me in many ways. Still have uncovering of how all this affects me today, just because it's not happening anymore doesn't mean it's healed.
Treatments
- Leave Working / Worked
- Put myself in relationships where I allowed myself to be sexually mistreated. Relationship ends, doesn't mean I've gotten help for these issues.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- Counselor is someone I need to utilize to figure out what happened.
- Reading Working / Worked
- I have a lot to do in this area.
- Talking Working / Worked
- Would like to share more about this with people who can relate, especially about the exotic dancing career.
Open Breakups & Divorce
Primary first interest for joining DS. This breakup is finally complete after a year off & on. 2nd breakup with someone else still hard to deal with at times. I tend to be a relationship "addict".
Treatments
- Forgiveness Working / Worked
- For myself & him no matter what the outcome ideally, with God's help. This doesn't necessitate staying or leaving.
- Leave Working / Worked
- It took a year of off and on for it to finally get so bad and LEAVE
- Love Working / Worked
- Unconditional love for myself and others is my goal.
- Pets Working / Worked
- That doggie helps me know there is life beyond "us".
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- Thank God for a good counselor
- Reading Working / Worked
- Love reading relevant literature, so helpful!
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- This is hard because in so reaching out I tell them the "dirt" then feel stupid if/when I return to him and have a hard time feeling I deserve their support when I have this "dirt" I choose to stay in.
- Support Groups Working / Worked
- Any kind that I qualify for helps me deal with stuff.
- Talking Working / Worked
- Don't talk to him anymore, need safe and appropriate people to talk to about the relationship and breakup.
Open Abstinence & Celibacy
Currently out of a relationship and glad to choose abstinence versus promiscuity as I used to do in my pre-sober lifestyle.
Open Sex / Pornography Addiction
Sex and love addict
Treatments
- Reading Somewhat Helpful
- Reading on addiction to love is really helpful
Open Female Sexual Issues
I am happy to find this group. Where do I start! Dealing with emotional issues for the most part.
Open Vegetarians & Vegans
I have been off and on veggie for most of my life. I'm currently making progess with moving towards vegetarianism though I'm not doing it %100, using meat broths only still at this point.
Open Pre-menstrual Syndrome (PMS)
I realize the week before my period I tend to cry more (except when i am sugar free) and I am also more emotionally sensitive generally
Open Loneliness
I am tired of not reaching out or reaching out to inappropriate people. I am "overly independent"
