mdleigh86's Journal

Hello,

I am guessing others can read my journal so I will start off by saying "Thank you for taking the time to read this". I feel as though posting a journal online or even a video blog on youtube is a very good idea because people are looking for each other so they know they are not alone and sometimes its hard to speak to the people you see everday, or maybe its just me, I fear they will tell me what I want to hear.

A little about me, growing up I was very angry at everone. I resented my family and wanted nothing to do with anyone. Growing up I would make friends but being a young girl in high school you don't make friends, you find people who you only think are your friends and they stab you in the back for selfish reasons. I have tried very hard all my life to find that one person who will be as good as a friend as I am to them. I m told that people take advantage of my kindness. I got into a bit of trouble the beginning of the year and it opened my eyes.  I know who is really there for me and it gave me motivation to do better. I will be strting school again in the spring.

The one reason I joined this website was because Ihave issues with my weight.  Sence I was 14 I would go a couple of months and not eat every much and then I would get to he weght I was ok with and would start to eat again. Im guessing that was the worst thing possible. I know everything there is to know about nutrition yet, I dont have the will power. Anyways, this eating issues went on for 2 years of so, off and on eating, I guess I went from 120 to 140 alot in those two years. I then moved in with a boyfriend and after a couple months I found the lovely drug called "Meth" a dropped weight so quick. I loved it it made me feel good about my body, but I was cracked out...EW. My weight went from 140 to 105. Compliments all the time. Iwont lie I miss it. It made me pretty. I decided to leave my boyfrien because of this drug. I wanted to be somebody one day. Support myself is what I have always wanted. I left him got my GED and started to go to school. Gained wight like it was nothing. I am now 170. I go a month and eat healthy and excersice, then the next month I will stop. Its upsetting because if I have no Will Power to do this how will I ever do anything important? I looove food, and cant stop myself sometimes, and chocolate, sheesh don't even get that stuff aroud me. It will all be gone in a min. Its like sometimes, I have nothig else so I turn to food. 

I dont know what else to say...