Journal

Okay...I have blue text writing ...that's about all the more I can do. The night before last I stayed up all night and stared at the clock. Not one wink of sleep. That following day all I could do was cry... Typical mixed episode as I never learned about until I was in the hospital last May. I pulled through it on my own last night. Slept like a baby and am only crying a little today. 15 days left until I see my "good" pdoc. I'm trying to make an effort today to do things around the house. Everything takes so much energy. I WILL get through this. I can't count on my family to understand. When I was in the hospital they cared and read material. But somehow I feel like they are blaming this on me. I CAN'T HELP MY THOUGHTS!!

Here I am awake again EARLY. I think it's just because I go to bed at night sooo early out of boredom and because I take my night meds too soon.

Wake up every morning with a panic attack. I also need to ween myself off the diazapam before this months over and off the geodon. I will still have the depakote but not enough to stabalize my moods. It sucks not to have insurance anymore. MY pdoc won't even call me to give me samples, after I've left 3 messages for him. Asshole doctors. How they handle things because they just want money. I wanted to see if I could make a payment arrangement to see him this last time so I could get more scripts.

Went to the drug companies to see if I would qualify for assistance...nope, have to be without for at least 3 months. What kind of rule is that? So then I went to medicare being that I'm on SSD. I only elected part A coverage so I can't get a doc or meds until January (open enrollment)...So I went to ahcccs, they say they can't help because medicare is supposed to help. GEEZ! WHAT A FREAKIN MESS. 

But I'll deal.