don't hate me because i went away (mentally)
July 2, 2009 12:01am
ok, it's late and i'm tired. BUT i want to thank the great people who have supported me. if you're mad that i disappeared but i …
TormentedMe 
8:39am, July 13, 2009
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About Me
TormentedMe
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About Me
It's taken me 47 yrs to figure it out (admit to it?)but I'm coming clean...After an abusive childhood starting at age 6, followed by abusive relationships, etc., I've traded one disorder for another and another. But at the core is my eating disorder since age 11. I have OCD, HBP, Anxiety, Asthma, DID, OA, Myofascial Pain, Depression, PTSD. In the last year I was diagnosed with melanoma(removed), Borderline Personality Disorder which includes a lovely list of other disorders, Carpal Tunnel, and just 3 weeks ago: hypothyroidism. (my temp upon wakening was 94 degrees! (((((call the coroner))))) What a poster child for a great date!!!! But somehow I still have such a freakin sparkling personality. wink, wink.
It's taken me 47 yrs to figure it out (admit to it?)but I'm coming clean...After an abusive childhood starting at age 6, followed by abusive relationships, etc., I've traded one disorder for another and another. But at the core is my eating disorder since age 11. I have OCD, HBP, Anxiety, Asthma, DID, OA, Myofascial Pain, Depression, PTSD. In the last year I was diagnosed with melanoma(removed), Borderline Personality Disorder which includes a lovely list of other disorders, Carpal Tunnel, and just
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Interests
endless. Graphic design. Interior design. Cars and working on them. Photography. Jewely making. Candle making. Real Estate. Bartending. Sports of all kind. Movies. Cooking and Baking. Blah, Blah, Blah. It's all true, but I'm not only boring me but I'm boring you...
endless. Graphic design. Interior design. Cars and working on them. Photography. Jewely making. Candle
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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It's been a hard winter.
March 11, 2008 12:49am
I know it's been quite awhile since I showed up...
I have lost an elderly friend in my building on Dec 27., my shrink on Jan 5.,
and my Grandpa …
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Journal Entry for November 28, 2007
November 28, 2007 11:17pm
SUCKY FUCKY DAY. I'm too exhausted to write now in detail, but the good news is i didn't cut today. I thought I was done with that until I …
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Journal Entry for November 23, 2007
November 23, 2007 4:56am
I'm thankful for my virtual family and friends! hugs and kisses to everyone!
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Journal Entry for November 23, 2007
November 23, 2007 2:58am
I was really down until I finished reading all of your hugs and wishes...I tried to respond the best I could. I am not well, physically or mentally. …
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Eating Disorders
I have lived most of my life as a lie. My life was changed at 6yrs old. After living a certain way, eventually I began believing what I was doing and how I was behaving as "normal". Now it has become "ME" and consumed me. *Instead of cleaning the rust properly, I have just been painting over it and over it* I've become unrecognizable. Do I have a disorder? or does the disorder own me?????? I'm too old to keep on doing this (40something). I've done nothing good for myself for 40 years!
Treatments
- Paxil Not Working
- It seriously smothered me and my emotions.
- Prozac Working / Worked
- It works.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- It's been a long slow process, but is very helpful. It would be easier if I only was plagued with 1 diorder, instead of many.
Close Chronic Pain
I've have one disorder blend into another. My recent diagnosis if Myofascial Pain. It had stopped my life this last year until I found treatment (injection & stretching) in late August. It's exhausting (mentally and physically and don't know anyone who has this.
Treatments
- Flexeril Somewhat Helpful
- Heat Working / Worked
- THE BEST! Cold is the enemy.
- Hydrocodone Somewhat Helpful
- VicodinHP works just barely.
- Lidoderm Not Working
- it just numbed the surface of my skin. It didn't get down deep enough.
- Naproxen Not Working
- Bad. Bad stomach pains.
- Oxycodone Working / Worked
- oxy works best, but i'm no longer on it. (doctors decision).
- Stretching Working / Worked
- currently getting injections on Mon&Wed, and Matrix (electrical stimulation and nerve blocker) on Tu&Thu. It is WONDERFUL so far. I'm starting to feel like I'm "almost human" again.
Open Multiple Personalities
I had been abused and negected as a child in a very dyfunctional household. To add to it, I had to take on the role of an adult (mother) because she was either missing or passed out. Most of the time she was on a rampage. Needless to say, she had her own mental disorders (bipolar & schizo). I learned to take on many roles and behave according to the situation (company, grandparents,socially etc.) I always looked at it as a defense mechanism. My official diagnosis:Borderline Personality Disorder
Treatments
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- It has helped me realize what's going on and why. Therapy just is so painstaking and long, but worth it.
Open Self-Injury
I have been hurting my in one form or another. It began as an eating disorder, (age 11ish) overlapping into punching (weird, huh?), overlapping with promiscuity, overlapping in binge drinking, crossing then over into cutting @ 23, followed by a weak attempt @ suicide (flexerils, klonipins & somas). It seems the only things I don't do anymore is the sex & suicide (sometimes that's even the same thing). I'm now starting @ the begining w/eating and learning to take care & love myself (trying).
Treatments
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- I've only recently come clean about it at the age of 47 (yes! 47!)
- Talking Working / Worked
- now that i've finally come clean about it, i feel a lot of weight being lifted. Even just writing this and seeing others makes me less lonely.
Open Carpal Tunnel Syndrome
I worked on the computer for 15 years and developed what they thought was CTS, then it was diagnosed as Tendinitis. On that note, I went out on worker's comp in 1998. After 3 years of doing NOTHING, the pain subsided. Since i've been getting treatment for my myofascial pain/fibromyalgia, it started back up. The pain feels like I'm being crucified right thru thru wrist and don't have much strength. There is a place that does "cold laser surgery" and I'm hoping to go that way as far as fixing it.
Treatments
- Ibuprofen Not Working
- too hard on the stomach (at least mine).
- Wrist Splint Somewhat Helpful
- it helps prevent excess movement but obviously it's only temporary.
- Brace Working / Worked
- I take a neopreine elbow wrap and fold it over 3 times (depending on your size) and place it 2" passed my elbow. It gives a wee bit of relief by compression.
