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LadyRose 
9:06am, December 31, 2008
Well I've been sick with a bad chest cold, bad enough that I had to get some meds to kill the germs! Man the colds get bad for me lately, probably stress and being tired a lot.
Ken's doing okay, his eyes are hurting him and giving him headaches. We've had a bad run in with each other about 2 weeks ago, and I had to call my best friend to straighten him out. He was running around fixating on something that was small and didn't amount to nothing making it a big deal. So I kept telling him why bother, it's not the little things that are imporatant or matter in life's whole picture. He got pissy and we got into it, needless to say I am crying because he's talking crazy again. Thinking he's leaving me, and that he'll fix things. After all where would he go, other than an adult day care or rest home. I don't want that but I don't want to have to fight someone I love every time they need to take their medicines or do the right thing. I know it's not easy for him being a man he's really down on himself because he can't work anymore and he's feeling useless. I try to get him into other things but sometimes he get's side tracked or looses his way or just plain forgets totally. So needless to say there's not much else I can do if he won't do things for himself. I have tried so hard to tell him to do something besides what he normally does to keep his mind busy, but it's just a cycle he keeps following. We don't have the money to get out and go do things much, even when we do he'd rather stay at home. Partly for fear of embarrassment of something happening in public that he would be ashamed of. As for myself, the embarrassment would pass and people would have to get used to it for things happen as we get older and life goes on. It doesn't stop for anyone and the sooner you let go of things that bother you or haunt you the better you can move on and deal. It's been a struggle for us all, and especially since he's also a step father with my kids. My oldests has her tipical issues a teenager does, but considering she's done rather well I think. So that's made things stressful for all of us as well, then there's my youngest he's six years old, and definately more sensative than the older one. We're still hanging tough and trying to manage at times so bare with me if I don't show, doesn't mean I don't think of you all here. It's just I have more on my plate than I can deal with at times, and I need down time. Thanks for listening.
Comments
I think that for some people depression and grief are very difficult for some people who have suffered a stroke. He is one of the unlucky ones that this effects his whole family. It is very difficult at the best of times dealing with stroke issues, I know myself that I get short with Ralph with his aphasia, sometimes I have to repeat myself 3-4 times and then he doesn't get it. Ralph's personality is great, he thinks he is back to normal and doesn't like if when ever I say something out in public about his stroke. He also will get fixated on things that I do not want him doing, like ELECTRICITY!!!, he thought there was another piece to a fixture that he was trying to put up, he wandered for about 2 1/2 hours, I was getting aggitated and it wound up with me in tears and him not being able to solve the problem, it wasn't till the next day that our son came over and installed it. Ralph used to be able to do anything, I did not have to have anyone fix anything, paint etc., now I have to call and have things done.
We also say things in anger, and when things are said too many times they hurt. It is quite different in the US compare to here in Canada, I don't know what you health benefits are but I would talk to my family doctor and see if I could get help. Your situation is not good for any of you. It seems to me that you need help as this is affecting your whole family and that is not good. I think he needs a reality check as well, would he really like to be in assisted living??? Do they have like a day program for adults?? Ralph does not like those places at all I never did have to use one, but it would be really tough for me to leave him there. When he was first discharged that is where he was suppose to go, and refused to even enter the building, I had to look after him 7 days a week 24 hours a day, it was hard because I was so afraid of what was going to happen and how I would manage, I also at that time did not expect him to get as well as he has, he is my true hero, (drives me crazy to) To be quite honest with you, I admire you for your courage and what you do every day. Be very kind to yourself and look into what assistance you can get as you truly do need it, Joanne
dutchmircle