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Pulpit 
11:57pm, November 19, 2009
O for goodness sake. What is the point of all this anyway? I am so miserable but can't seem to get the whole "misery" feeling out, not even a bit. Makes me so mad. I wouldn't have a problem just tossing all my meds over the balcony, but I can't take the chance of being sick again, this really sucks!!! I am sick of being sick and always feeling blahhhh. I am on so many meds I can't even tell which one is the culprit anymore and I feel very blahhhh and soon it needs to end or else......!!! I long to be alone by myself forever but I can't, before I was so drugged up I used to be a social butterfly, I'd forgotten about that since people have been dragging me out of my comfort zone. I could stay at home forever, just me and me. I wish I didn't have so much thinking going on in my mind, it makes me swirl. Hopefully I will come to my senses and just get over it, ha......we'll see.
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Well, I just got home from visiting my family for 2 weeks. First week went fine with my grandbabies until the second day when I got this terrible flu! Had it of 4 days...ugh! When it was finally over I went to visit my mum, that's when I realized I got shorted 2 days on my meds! Oh no! I had to call my pd and ask for 2 more days worth of everything, but she was busy and the front desk lady took my message. The next day I went down to my mum's drugstore where my meds were coming and they only had 4 of them, one of my sleep meds were missing. I was pretty ticked off, so I called my pd back again, she was busy but the front desk lady would give her the message right away in the morning. I checked 4 or 5 times during the next day and no med came in. Now I am really ticked and thinking same old thoughts of....well, if it's this much trouble to get all my meds I should just stop taking them! I hate that feeling and I hate it more when I jump on it. I just went without for last 2 days, I have all my meds now that I'm home. We spent most of the week getting things ready for my brother's celebration party. Now that I've been looking at him for all these days and meeting more of his close friends, I am feeling sad and really miss Danny..sigh! Hope I can stay on top of things cause I feel a crash coming. Anyway I am trying my best to survive in this man eating world of liars like the front desk lady...gggrrr!
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Sorry you're feeling badly. Just give the mood a chance to pass, It will.It's hard but it's best to live moment by moment. Keep those precious grand kids of yours on your mind.They need you and love you. And so do I. Feel better.
nectar