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Shelly4 
10:09am, October 21, 2009
JR (son) came over Friday night for a barbeque and fireworks. I was nervous all day about him coming and as much as I wanted him not to come, I knew that would just be running. I talked to my husband about it and he knows how I feel.....He made it clear that he agreed with me and that if anything was uncomfortable he would ask JR to leave.
As soon as JR walked in the door, my husband pulled him aside and said......I want to make something clear to you so there are no misunderstandings. You are welcome in our home and we love you......This is our home and I expect certain things from you when you come here. This is your mother and my wife and she deserves nothing less than your total respect and admiration. If you give her anything other than that, you will be asked to leave. Am I clear?
I thought I would just break down and cry....it was such a wonderful gesture on my husbands part and totally affirmed his feelings for me.
This gave me the courage to take a deep breathe and know I could do this. JR seemed better even before this conversation with his father. He seems more relieved and less agitated and volatile. He actually seemed a little happy. I did not pursue a conversation with him, I am not ready to go there yet. He did help me with some dishes in the kitchen, which he never does.
I guess I feel like I made some progress in that, I was not as fearful of him. I did what I had to do to keep peace by keeping my mouth shut for now. I still think he needs to apologize to me, but that will be up to him.
UPDATED GOALS
Set boundaries with JR
Progress 5%
Encouragements: 5
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Comments
I'm very happy that your husband stood up to your son and let him know that he loves and repects you very much as his wife and the mother of his children. We have to put up boudaries for our children.
Today children aren't taught to respect anyone or anything. Alex has done that many times to my children and even my brothers and sisters.
My x-husband never would that is what my children are like they are. My son lives with his dad & step mom with his wife and 2 children and a new one due in Oct. Dad has enabled all my children. He thinks he is helping them. Wrong mistake. Love you for the courage to stand up to your son. Have a Happy 4th of JUly. Love ya' Suzanne
ssuba
Hi Shelly
I am glad this happened, and you will feel less stressed now.
A line has to be drawn, and the fact that your husband said this in your defence, is letting your son know that his father is also concerned about how he is treating you.
I hope he continues on the right track, and your boundaries set, help him learn how life can not always be just as we wants it.
Kids ... I love my 2 boys to bits ... but sometimes they just drive you nuts !!!!
Hugs Beth xx
AngelEyezz
Your husband obviously loves you and has all of his priorities in the right spot. My admiration to him!!!
It must make all of the difference in the world to have that family support....and I sure wish I did,but I'am sooo glad you do.
Boundries must be followed by everyone and set up by us: but we just by the nature of our diseases have a difficult time with that because we feel we don't deserve it.
Suzanne is right ..todays children aren't taught to respect anyone or anything but I can't say that my children were raised that way..they are 48,47,44,40,37 and they still deserted me asoon as this disease had a name..2 of them have very limited communication...the two oldest and I think that is out of guilt...Happy 4th....Keep on doing what your doing. Ladyjane 99
Ladyjane99
I am glad you had a nice family day. Your hubby sounds like a terrific man. Its nice to see that green smiley out again You are such a positive person and your children are Blessed. Its also nice to know your son is feeling better now I hope he will reach out for the help he needs my friend
Jan777
Way to Go Shelly!
ScorpioGirl73
LIKE YOU MY HUBBY HAS ME ON A PEDESTAL AND GOD HELP ANYONE THAT TRIES TO KNOCK ME OFF OF IT!! I AM SO...GLAD THAT THE EVENING WENT WELL. REMEMEBER THAT SOME WHERE INSIDE THAT ANGRY SON OF YOURS IS THE LITTLE BOY YOU RAISED THAT LOVES HIIS MOTHER WITH ALL HIS HEART. RIGHT NOW THOUGH IT IS BURIED UNDER A BUNCH OF OTHER CRAP!!! SOMEDAY, HOPEFUULY SOON HE WILL CLEAR AWAY THE DEBRIS AND SEE SEE CLEARLY AGAIN. BEST WISHES. DEBBIE
SlipperySlope
Your husband loves you very much Shelly...so glad to see the green smiley face..so glad it was a good evening for you!
BarbAnn