WnaBaSXEMAagn's Journal

Things are good. I can't complain. I'm glad I got the Mirena. It may be fighting with the Lupron in me, but it was worth it. My energy is returning, sex drive too. I actually enjoyed hubby touching me today. I haven't felt that in a while. I did yard work, painlessly, until i overdid it... LOL! Even with that, I'm feeling genuinely good. Now if only I can get hubby to watch the Tivo'd episodes of Heroes with me.... HA!!!

The only thing I think at this point that can make things better, is having a gf. Having that female to talk to, hold, and kiss, in addition to the male aspect. I never really realized how much having that meant to me, until I was deprived the chance to have that kind of relationship. I realize now that I have the chance to have that. I am free to be who I am now, because I have the love and support I've needed for so long.

My g'ma has been sick for, at least, the past week. I feel, in my heart, this is it for her. Her being on her death-bed, and the passing of so many others recently (MJ, Billie Mays, Farrah, Ed McMahon, Countless soldiers in Iraq, etc.), should sadden me. Truthfully, I am saddened, but more so than that, I feel joy. Joy for being able to see another day. To live the lessons they've learned, and live the way life was meant to be lived: without hesitation, without fear, without regret. I truly feel I've found the cure for my depression: a hefty dose of life. I love my kids, my husband, my life. Most importantly, I love myself, flaws and all. I see myself as goddess intended me to be, imperfect and beautiful. That was probably the hardest lesson for me to learn up until this point. I think I'm ready to live those lessons now. I'm ready to live, period.