Apoll0's Journal

My father passed away due to suffering from Lung Cancer from asbestos on august 8th, (888) after battling for three years.  It gets me mad that he has had to die so young (62) and that he hasn't been able to enjoy his forthcoming retirement together with my mother.  They were both looking forward to it so much and after having just enough to put food on the table that were planning on traveling together.  On the day he died I was feeling okay because after seeing him suffer for so long I was relieved that he died peacefully but now looking back I suppose really the fact I couldn't really remember him as being sick was in fact a blessing.  I could only remember him being healthy and all the times we both laughed and he made me smile.  My father was really special to me, even though I always found it really difficult to let him know, even though I'm now 26, possibly because I'm the youngest of his 3 children I somehow always saw him as my protector.  I remember being at university and not being able to speak to him on the phone if I was having a bad day or if I was sad because I did not want him to know that I was not as brave as him (or as brave as he wanted me to be), the sound of his voice would make me cry.  He never kept it a secret of how much he loved us.  Even though we always fought at the end of it to this day we would still hug each other and cry our eyes out (lol).  Looking back its scary how much like him I am, both physically and personally.  I feel like I've lost half of me, since he's gone I feel like I've lost my personality, my wicked sense of humour, my smile.  I miss him so much.  

Here's a poem I wrote...

I sit here and 
Watch you lay back
And finally sleep
I can rest assured 
That after all the times
You were there for me,
I can still look 
Over my shoulder and 
There you'll be

Everytime we had a fall
You let us know that 
We were you're all
I'll always walk with you
Right by my side
Anytime that I get so down 
I know I can look in the mirror 
And know that in my reflection
There you'll be

So many things I may have 
Kept from you stupidly
Because there was nothing 
You could not see
Through every mistake 
I make I just know that
There you'll be

Even now you're gone 
All I have to do is look inside
That little piece of my heart 
I know that just right 
There you'll be

I'll always cry for you,
Proud of what you taught us three
Because you are simply...

My Daddy