Back to fucked.
November 16, 2009 3:56pm
Can't even tell why. Too many thoughts. Why does it have to be painful? It's eating me alive today. May be it's cause I spent yesterday …
LornaR 
3:53pm, October 5, 2009
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About Me
LornaR
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About Me
diagnosed bipolar in 1991. never had successful treatment. bad drug addict and alcoholism, clean since 10-28-2002. horrible eating disorders, abstinent for 8 months most recently. new diagnoses of schizophrenia. it's about time. nobody's fault but mine i guess. :(
diagnosed bipolar in 1991. never had successful treatment. bad drug addict and alcoholism, clean since 10-28-2002. horrible eating disorders, abstinent for 8 months most recently. new diagnoses of schizophrenia. it's about time. nobody's fault but mine i guess. :(
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Interests
My true love is the environment. I care immensely about what is happening to our ecosystems. I love ecosystems and the ways of world. I love to travel, to snorkel, to hike, to camp, to backpack. I also love music with good words. I think we are all sick. We have a thinking disorder that tells us we aren't part of nature, when in fact we're just mammals with large brains. I'm concerned for those like me who feel insane and can't tell if it's cause we're committing suicide as a species or if I'm just mentally ill. I am a deeply sad and troubled person, and I love others who feel the same burden. You don't walk alone.
My true love is the environment. I care immensely about what is happening to our ecosystems. I love ecosystems
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Recent Activity
Recently:
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1 journal post
Yesterday
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LornaR changed their mood to Bad 6:54pm
Saturday
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LornaR changed their mood to OK 5:51pm
November 16
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LornaR wrote a journal entry: Back to fucked. 3:56pm
Can't even tell why. Too many thoughts. Why does it have to be painful? It's eating me alive…
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LornaR changed their mood to Horrible 3:50pm
November 14
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LornaR wrote a journal entry: Still recovering but am feeling so much better. 5:33pm
Feeling fairly normal today!!! :-) I wish I knew what I did right. It's been a long time. I still…
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Journal
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Still recovering but am feeling so much better.
November 14, 2009 5:33pm
Feeling fairly normal today!!! :-) I wish I knew what I did right. It's been a long time. I still don't want to see people. But hanging out …
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Relief
November 12, 2009 12:43pm
Wow. It's over. Not the delusions, I'm still connected real strong, but the desire to die. I wish I knew how to make this work. It just comes …
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On the positive note...
November 11, 2009 9:07pm
I love this fucking song, the house is warm and my sleeping bag is in the livingroom. The kids are grown and I'm alone. I hate having to remind …
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People, ugh, I can't tell when I need to be left alone.
November 11, 2009 9:01pm
A friend stopped by today. i thought may be it'd be good for me. Not good at all. Like the Spirits need me to just concentrate on them and he …
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Hugbook
Hug
Thanks. You are the only one who seems to understand what I am going though. My thoughts and everthing.
Thanks
thanks for the prayer, I believe they work wonders, you must have known I needed one more than ever...I hope you night is well
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Hug
Yes my life is plagued with mental(which is the worst) and physical pain. I have so much mental pain that it is just to much to write, and physically, I have severe muscle pain, tons of dental pain, and a knee that has to have surgery. I don't care how much I hurt myself. I will be dying soon anyway. I am taking a trip that will determine my fate and it is already clear that suicide is giong to happen
Moment of Peace
How you been? I hope that all is well with you. How is the new group helping out? You take care.
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Hug
Thanks for the advice...my husband and I have been separated going on two months now and its hard....so thank you again
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Photos
LornaR hasn’t uploaded any photos yet
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Bipolar Disorder
Never quite fit the bipolar diagnoses. Turns out I fit mild schizophrenia almost exactly. :-( So much less glamorous but at least may be I will be able to learn how to keep surviving.
Treatments
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- still seeing someone every week
- Hospitalization Working / Worked
- last resort. better safe than sorry. this too shall pass.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- still seeing someone every week
- Hospitalization Working / Worked
- last resort. better safe than sorry. this too shall pass.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- still seeing someone every week
- AA Meetings Working / Worked
- Walking a spiritual path and learning to trust, instead of fear and dread life, is really a cool journey. Lots of help out there from lots of different kinds of people.
- Abilify Not Working
- made me sick
- Ativan Somewhat Helpful
- I take it occasionally when I am in desperate need of a mental break. I go into what I call silent rages from time to time that prolong themselves for up to 5 days. If I take an ativan I can shorten the period to 1 or 2 days. It has helped me be more comfortable and even stopped the obsession. I only need it 1 or 2 days a month. I find this works better for me than being on and adjusting medications. However sometimes it will not work. It can cause depression if used more than 3 days in a row.
- Depakote Not Working
- gained weight, made feet feel heavy
- Fish Oil Too Soon to Tell
- also take flax seed oil
- Geodon Working / Worked
- gave me severe akithasia, a nightmare
- Group Therapy Somewhat Helpful
- always helpful, people always help the most, hence I have gained a sense of self worth.
- Holistic Health Somewhat Helpful
- very helpful actually, eat right, sleep right, get exercise, still BP, but it got managable
- Hospitalization Working / Worked
- last resort. better safe than sorry. this too shall pass.
- Lamictal Not Working
- too scarey. My sister died of ovarian cancer. This drug causes ovarian systs
- Lithium Not Working
- allergic
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- still seeing someone every week
- Risperdal Not Working
- nothing
- Seroquel Somewhat Helpful
- restlessness so bad it's a nightmare and endless hunger pangs.
- Topamax Somewhat Helpful
- gave it up, lost my appitite completely
- Wellbutrin Not Working
- restlessness
- Xanax Working / Worked
- As taken when needed, this drug has helped but if I take it more than a few days I develop depression. I continue to use xanax when I need to knock out mania. There is a recovery period from xanax but it works for me. Again I find it better for me to knock out my mania if I need to than be on and adjusting medications all the time. I usually only need xanax once or twice a month. But I am schizo not bipolar.
Close Alcoholism
I have mental illness and am an alcoholic/drug addict. I have a lot to give and a desire to keep moving in a good direction. I also have a horrible eating disorder.
Treatments
- 12 Step Program Working / Worked
- This is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It works the best to keep me sane.
- Al-Anon Working / Worked
- Another spiritually inspired program that also works well to retain sanity in extremely hare situations.
- Ativan Working / Worked
- I take ativan once in a while because I can not stop obsessive compulsive thinking for days at a time and it can totally wear me out and drive me to do unhealthy things. Ativan is a depressant however so I never take it more than 2 consecutive days or I get a drug induced depression.
- Cold Turkey Not Working
- Good luck. Didn't work here. Tried it many times.
- Folic Acid Somewhat Helpful
- Sleep Working / Worked
- I have a lot of catching up to do.
- Willpower Not Working
- What will power? It was insane to consider.
Open Schizophrenia
I think I have been living with schizophrenia syptoms for about 30 plus years.
Treatments
- Geodon Not Working
- Horrible akathesia.
- Navane Not Working
- Risperdal Not Working
- Seroquel Not Working
- Gave me endless hunger pangs that turned to bad stomach aches. Had to quit and now can't take it at all.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- One on one once a week and 2 2 hour groups a week right now. Helps a lot.
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Groups
