Journal

Well today Im having an unusual day but i guess pretty normal when ur bipolar. anyway i have this like bouncing off the walls feeling! like there is something in me that is just dying to get out . but my day dint start off like this at first i just wanted to stay in bed i didnt want to do anything at all. And about two hours ago some energy hit me like bam! so here i am writing trying to get some out i have a psych psper due at school but of course i dont wanna send it in cause im always affraid it wont be good enough! maybe its because i never hear im good enough anymore all everyone ever says is negative about me all the time i think ive heard it so much so it must be true right?

sometimes i wonder why i even try its like every time i try something new or try to do good i just fail  i know ive done alot of bad in my life and sometimes wonder if the whole karma thing is true well it must be and boy am i paying for all the shit ive done to hurt people and hurt myself and i just started school and i know i can do it i know i can but there is that fear of always failing thats holding me back which sounds stupid cuz how can you fail if your not wven going to at least try right well another thing that is totally bothering me is im so lonely again i feel like im always saying this so anyway for once in a long time i let myself open up to a guy well first of all we have been friends for a long time but we also hadnt talked in like forever but anyway i opened up and let him in let him acctually get feelings out and i thought he was a really nice guy  just to end up getting hurt its like one day he cares one day he doesnt even know me  and so on over and over  anyway i dont know im just really hurt and really sad so bye for now