Doing Better, Making Progress, More new struggles
June 1, 2008 8:45am
TalkToMe67 
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About Me
TalkToMe67
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About Me
03/23/09: I'm a single dad with two little girls aged 6 and 8. I've been divorced since last summer. It's been a difficult adjustment. I often still wonder "why" as I was faced with many lies in infidelity by my spouse. Our marriage counseling failed I think mainly because counselors really did a very poor job but also because she wasn't interested and felt she missed out on her party life. I've learned to accept this and I'm just focusing on being a good dad and working hard.This has been difficult on the girls. I often have no good answers for them. The divorce process is something I would regard as herding cattle through an financial and emotional slaughter...with about the same emotion put toward the well being of what's left of the family's future. I've released my wife emotionally to pursue her own reality. She's God's job now and no longer my job. The girls however are and I share custody and my girls and I have been able to actually come closer during this process. I focus my time and energy on them and the little things in life now. I focus on my own faiths journey in hopes that He will lead me to happiness and contentment, perhaps one day to someone who can appreciate being loved.
03/23/09: I'm a single dad with two little girls aged 6 and 8. I've been divorced since last summer. It's been a difficult adjustment. I often still wonder "why" as I was faced with many lies in infidelity by my spouse. Our marriage counseling failed I think mainly because counselors really did a very poor job but also because she wasn't interested and felt she missed out on her party life. I've learned to accept this and I'm just focusing on being a good dad and working hard.This has been difficult
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Interests
- Camping - Hiking - Biking -Walking - Canoeing - Kayaking - stories around a campfire - Reading - Chess - Computers- Science - Volunteer work at my church - gardening - lawn/landscaping - Driving far up North - Inland Fishing - laying in the sun on the sand with a cold adult drink - Experiencing life through my daughters' deep blue eyes - bike riding - swimming - horses emerging as the new hobby (although sorry to all as I ride Western style only) - going to parks and taking walks/feeding ducks/picking flowers and finding cool new bugs with the girls - coaching t-ball and baseball- learning about nature and science - Talking about the most and least favorite parts of the day over dinner - praying every night with wonder and happiness and fulfillment about what my girls pray for - being their guide and loving father - Playing with our Golden Lab Puppy, now 80 lbs at 10 months - Reading of all kinds - Advancements in Science - Helping Others - Strengthening my Faith and following my faith's journey with humility and a deeper understanding of life balance wit my eyes open - Sampling new foods and experiences in Life - Trying new things and encouraging my daughters to try new things to watch them grow and learn and become more confident, being there for my girls when there is a bad dream, or a thunderstorm, a need for protection to feel safe or just a need to get warm and cuddle with daddy or just my the answering the 134th daddy question of the day...
- Camping - Hiking - Biking -Walking - Canoeing - Kayaking - stories around a campfire - Reading - Chess
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Journal
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Hugbook
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Hi hope your having a great day and thanks for accepting my friendship!! I hope your girl's are also doing great!! Hugs!! Shorty
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Hug
Hi I just read your story and i know how you feel as a mother who went thru this and my 2 wonderful kid's are what brought me thru!! We were married 11 yrs and he just said that's it!! Just stay strong and love your little girl's cause it does get better as it it now 7 yrs and i'm not happier than ever!! If you need someone to talk to i'm here for you!! Hugs!! Shorty
I’m With You
I read your story. I know exactly what you are going thru, although my children are adults, I feel your pain of being betrayed, the feeling of confusion and a times hopeless. I am told to hang in there that the grieving process will pass. You have to beautifu reasons to move on your children!!! I know it hurts!!!!
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I’m With You
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Thank you so much for your insight. It is always good to know that we are not alone in this journey. Take care, Beth
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Infidelity
I was a victim of an emotional affair that did not end even after I found out about it and confronted her. The married OM is a rich jerk and has two young children. This is a long term struggle for me. Now divorced, I had been married for just over 9 yrs.
Treatments
- Couples Counseling Not Working
- It doesn't work very well when your spouse is only "showing up".
- Divorce Not Working
- My wife filed for divorce behind my back. I learned of it on accident while interviewing with lawyers as I expected her to be up to something. I think this remains as the last item I'm learning to forgive. Mainly, I think it says a great deal about lack of character when there are little children involved. To not even talk about it? It's sad really. Divorce remains to be hard on the girls and they have great sadness and anxiety despite my every effort to love them.
- Forgiveness Somewhat Helpful
- I'm getting there...after all, why do I want to be with anyone who doesn't want to be with me.
- Leave Not Working
- I think for many reasons, leaving a marriage simply show weakness in character, weakness in upbringing and poor character. I think most who initiate divorce want to blame anyone but themselves for their own short-comings.
Close Breakups & Divorce
I am a 40 year old father with two daughters, aged 7 and 5. My counseling has continued off and on over the last 9 months. I've been experiencing something much like the death of a spouse. I've been learning the truth and watching it unfold - giving my wife my every opportunity to course correct but she continues to further fail me. I can't reach her. She seems to hate the fact that I caught her, she clearly feels bad she was caught, but that has given way to blaming me for all shortfalls.
Treatments
- Couples Counseling Working / Worked
- We have spiritual counseling through our church and clinical counciling through our insurance. The main issue is my spouse "going through the motions vs. trying"
- Family Therapy Too Soon to Tell
- Same as other note.
- Forgiveness Too Soon to Tell
- I am actively trying to forgive. "Man is commanded to love even if his wife is disobedient to respecting her husband"
- Love Somewhat Helpful
- It's hard to love without forgiveness, without trust and without intamacy. Especially after all the deceit and betrayal.
- Pets Too Soon to Tell
- We have a puppy golden lab. He's helping I'm sure - when he isn't chewing up everything in house! :-)
- Psychotherapy Not Working
- We had 3 sessions togther. My wife was in the middle of her when we went and only showed she was masterful at manipulating a situation.
- Reading Working / Worked
- Love and Respect - Dr. Emerson Eggerich The Proper Care and Feeding of a Marriage - Dr. Laura Schlessinger
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- More than somewhat, Trusting in people and talking through problems IS the way to dealing with infidelity.
- Support Groups Working / Worked
- Really getting some relief from infidelity.com.
- Talking Somewhat Helpful
- We're working on the "Speaker Listener Technique" So far, limited practice and limited results. Talking with others DOES help very much.
Open Child Support & Custody
My wife has had/is having an affair. We have two beautiful daughters together and my whole world revolves around them. My understanding is that if counciling doesn't work out and we end up going through a divorce - I'll probably never see my girls again - or something like 20% of the time. My wife is not a nice person, but I am motivated to keep trying to save the marriage because I couldn't imagine my world without my two girls. It's hard enough to deal with my wife's infidelity.
Open Life After Divorce
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