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Levismommy 
3:12am, October 24, 2009
It's almost been four years and it still makes me almost tremble with anger when people say "well, there must have been something wrong with him that no one could foretell or see"....."maybe it was a blessing that you didn't have to deal with him being very sick".....
The thing is, Levi was sick when he was born, I already cried those hot tears, hoping and praying that he would live.....then, after he was released from the NICU and healed from the pnemonia, we almost lost him again when he had his surgery on his skull....i KNOW that pain....and I know that I would ache that way every day to have kept him....yet, for Levi's sake, I would never want him to know that kind of pain again.....
BUT, levi was healthy, healed beautifully from his surgery and active, happy and amazing....
I know people don't know what to say....i remember that when I hear this stuff.....
But, it hits a nerve....Levi had things "wrong" with him and we and he survived those battles. I remember people looking at his twin sister in awe and then looking at him and really not having much to say or asking what was "wrong" with him before the surgery for his craniosynostosis. I hated that then. Because I was proud of both of my babies and I knew it was amazing that we had twins and more so, that modern medican would and had help him with his condition.
I suppose.....others can not see my mind, my memories and know like I know......
So, I will tell them that, kindly and as smoothly as posssible, they do not know .....
Comments
I think sometimes people lack the ability to provide empathy at times, it's like they feel like they need to say something, but comes out wrong or they are trying to do the polite things in saying something and thing they are being kind OR really, they ahve their own thoughts/judgments about stuff and are holding back, just trying to sound convincing to U. Whatever the case, that is their stuff, opinion and judgment. The words can hurt from others, but their opinion/words mean shit......it's what U think and feel that matters. BUT, when we are low, sad, depressed, stressed, in a state of anxiety/crisis, we internalize the words of others more deeply and wished they'd say the right thing to make us feel better. I've been their w/my circumstances, too. A friend of mine said to me regarding my circumstances, "Well, maybe U need counseling". It was said w/out empathy, sympathy or problem solving ideas. Things like that hurt, as ya would like them to preface it w/some caring emotion, not just facts/words and having them sooo far removed from even remotely stopping thinking about themselves and put themselves in your shoes for just a moment w/the heart ripping out, the intense sadness/anger, etc and provide a shoulder that is strong and supportive. I think many people just don't have time or take the time to provide support, cuz they have to hurry and get to the next thing in life and if it doesn't involve them, it's like they just don't care to be sincere. It's like we are all actors/actresses playing dress up in this game called life. Guess we are all learning to be better on stage and some of us just really suck, cuz they thing it's all about them and not their audience, we listeners. Anyhow.......know in your heart what is right and wrong and opt to think, "they don't know what they say", like Jesus said, "They don't know what they do". Chin up, sweetie, you've come a long way. u've become so much stronger and I'm damn proud of U. :-) LOVE U very much! :-)
Loving2Bme
It hits a nerve with me too. I get those comments too, that maybe he was saved from something worse down the road. Come on, give me a break - do you really think that is going to make me feel better?! UGH.
brandylee82
Ditto Paula! LYL////and brandy, it is frustrating at best....but, it's part of the gig, unfortunately....we've been stamped inside and sometimes out that we lost our babies....I am a venter, so i just write it all out.....
Levismommy
I HATE when people say it is to save her from something worse that could happen...come on. that is not comforting...my job was to save and protect her from all that i could...and we would have...but we didn't get that opportunity b/c our HEALTHY babies just died
armmom
My heart breaks for all who have lost your babies... the pain is something I can not even fathom. I pray that I could find the words to express this to you! LYL Tonya
Idahomom
People suck butt!!! I had someone say that to me at Nick's funeral!!!!!! They don't get it and hopefully never will have to HUGS!
NickNicksmommykitkat