hope20z's Journal

I haven't written in a while and I thought that this would be a great time to write. So today I was in class and I got a message on my blackberry from my teacher to take a mental health day today and tomorrow thus extending my holiday weekend. But today I went tanning at the cost cutters (lol). Then I went to the Darque Tan and tanned some more after that I went to my mom's and I had a glass of champaign and some gingerale and it completely disabled me. I went home and laid down and slept, my entire body was numb and tingled to the touch. I can't wait to go tanning again tomorrow it really gives me a lot of relaxation. It also gives me something to do. I am trying to give myself a new appearance to the public by tanning. In oder to do this I have shaved my legs, chest and torso, to get a great tan. I am excited to see the results.

Mom and dad have finally closed on the lease for the southport property. So I am hoping that tomorrow there will be something special happening to celebrate something that has taken them so long to accomplish. There were many offers on the property but we finally found the right one and sold on it. Thankfully we still own and control the entire building.  Later this evening I have gotten a little bit lighter in mood and physically, but I am still somewhat depressed. I really am lonely. I wish that my friends were here around me to help distract and comfort me. I want to live and feel like I have lived and maybe that is why I go tanning so I feel that I have been somewhere warm and that people can assume that I went some where to tan and vacation. I have not been out of the country since we went to china in 2005. I really want to go on a great vacation soon, I think it will make me happy and I know that it is overdue. I think dad worries about the money now that he has such a large immediate family. I hope that the will is not in mostly Chi's name but in the names of Luke and I. I know that t is wrong to think about those things, but they need to have though. She and her sun have known him the least of everyone that is close to him. She cannot speak english, and she is even worse at constructing sentences with regard to writing. I don't know how she would be to control money when she doesn't even know how to use or access the funds in her own checking account. I just don't want to talk about it. I want to go to sleep wake up and go to tan.

There is some laundry in the dryer and I need to grab it fold it and iron most of what comes out lol.

Well message me if you need me. Good night.