ADD
March 5, 2009 9:42pm
Last week I went to talk to a head doc about ADD.
Normally I really, really dislike head docs, as most of them are generally arrogants …
Maeveineire 
4:30am, November 5, 2009
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About Me
Maeveineire
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About Me
I've always had a sense that there was something not quite right with my mind. I was depressed and occasionally suicidal in middle school, though I never acted on it. Things got better in high school, but about halfway through college I fell into a deep depression. I made two suicide attempts in the space of a month, and not too long after I started cutting. I tried many different medications and went to several different therapists. The first time I was hospitalized I was given a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder, although I knew that there had to be more to what was going on than just the depression. For a while I thought I might be bipolar, but I'd never had a manic episode. Finally, my therapist mentioned the possibility of Borderline Personality Disorder. After doing some research, I realized that the characteristics of this illness matched me very closely. Having BPD is difficult; things get better and then they get worse. The problem is often compounded by reaccuring depression, and the self-injury is a continuous thing as well. I've pretty much come to terms with the fact that the BPD, depression and SI will always be around in some form or another, and that even if things get better there will always be the possibility for a relapse.
I've always had a sense that there was something not quite right with my mind. I was depressed and occasionally suicidal in middle school, though I never acted on it. Things got better in high school, but about halfway through college I fell into a deep depression. I made two suicide attempts in the space of a month, and not too long after I started cutting. I tried many different medications and went to several different therapists. The first time I was hospitalized I was given a diagnosis of Major
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Website
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Interests
I was an art major in school and enjoy both painting and photography. I also love to curl up with a good book, do some writing, or knitting. I also like taking walks, especially through cemetaries. I am also a Goth. This really has nothing to do with my mental health issues; it's a subculture in which I've been able to find acceptance, and I actually feel good about myself while dressing in black.
I was an art major in school and enjoy both painting and photography. I also love to curl up with a good
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Recent Activity
November 5
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Maeveineire updated their status 4:30am
Looking longingly at that bottle of Xanax…
October 31
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Maeveineire turned 26 12:00am
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Journal
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Sometimes nurses really annoy me...
December 26, 2008 11:18pm
At work today I got a call from a nurse asking for security because there was a woman with "SI" enroute to the ER. So I asked her, …
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Is this what marriage is all about?
December 3, 2008 8:59pm
I saw my therapist today. We talked about how my weight gain has become a depressing obsession, and yet I'm also constantly thinking about …
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To DBT or not to DBT. That is the question.
November 13, 2008 10:59pm
Yes, I'm back to that debate again.
Every time I leave DBT, I always swear that I'll never be back, expecially after the train wreck …
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Diag-nonsence
November 10, 2008 1:16am
My husband wants my to get an official diagnosis.
He's such a logical person - Let's find out exactly what's wrong and then …
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Hugbook
Hug
Agh! Snap out of it! Here's a hug to stop the sadness!
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we will conquer this together
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I’m With You
i just entered this web site and i'm going throught the exact same thing that you are trust me i know if you ever want to chat or talk email me at Buckweet65@yahoo.com or find me on here.
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:)
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random hugs
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Self-Injury
I started cutting early in 2004. I was in the midst of a deep depression, and somehow heard about self-injury. At the time, I was taking a drawing class that required an exacto knife, so I started to use that to make red marks on my arm. When the blade got dull and I changed it, I accidentally drew blood for the first time. From then on, I had to draw blood each time. Lately, in addition to cutting, I sometimes hit myself with tools and create bruises on my arms.
Treatments
- Group Therapy Not Working
- Had some DBT, but it didn't work.
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- Been to several different therapists. Talking to someone helps a bit, but it's usually only a temporary fix.
- Red Marker Not Working
- Didn't work that well.
- Rubber Bands Not Working
- Didn't work. Not near as effective.
- Talking Somewhat Helpful
- Tattoos Working / Worked
- I do love getting tattooed, but unfortunately it's rather expensive and there's only a few places one can get tattooed. It doesn't feel quite the same as cutting, but I love the "high" feeling afterwards...sometimes it does actually work...
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionTreatments
- Celexa Not Working
- Took for aboout 2 months, slight change but nothing major.
- Effexor Not Working
- Gave me horrible side effects; vertigo and headaches.
- Lexapro Not Working
- Made me very nautious for the first week, and didn't make any change.
- Paxil Not Working
- Didn't work.
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- Seen several different therapists. Talking sometimes helps, but it's usually only a temporary fix.
- Seroquel Not Working
- I was started on this during my last hospital stay. Made me very, very sleepy and gave me disturbing dreams. I think it also made the self-injury less effective, so I often did it worse. No positive effects.
- Wellbutrin Not Working
- The first time I was on it for several months and saw a slight change, but nothing enough to really help. The second time, it gave me panic attacks and made me anxious.
- Writing Working / Worked
- I have an anonymous MySpace, and blogging on there is very theraputic. Journaling also sometimes helps.
- Zoloft Not Working
- Did not work.
Open Personality Disorders
Type: Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)Treatments
- Talking Somewhat Helpful
- Talking to friends, online support, the occasional hotline sometimes works.
Open Female Sexual Issues
I think this rather goes hand-in-hand with being borderline. I crave sex like a nympho, but never really enjoy it. It never really means anything to me at the time - even if I'm with someone I care about. And afterwards I feel like shit.
Open ADHD / ADD
After wondering for a very long time, I've finally been diagnosed. Hopefully I'll be able to start on medication soon.
Treatments
Open Military Families
My fiance is the Navy, and he's about 700 miles away, which makes things very difficult at times. Even after we get married, there's always the possibility of deployment, which is quite a scary prospect. But when you marry into the military, you know what you're getting into. Plus, since we started off as a long-distance relationship, it might make being apart a little easier.
