Shamedtothecore's Journal

Man  these new DS owners have really screwed with the site. It is so hard to even write a journal entry. I think I tried at least 15 times.

I have really leared a lot. For instance, I have learned that you had better be damm nice to counsellors that help you or they will let you go at the drop of a hat. It has happened several times now that I have expressed overt anger at a counsellor only to find they will be letting me go shortly.

Lesson learned. Better yet to not need a counsellor. Nevertheless, with friends it is the same story for the most part. Any expression of anger spoils a positive relationship. It is imporant to note that anyone in relationship with you is there mostly because they want to be. Expressing anger is inappropriate. They may seem to be attacking you, but for the most part, it is their stuff, and you have to see it as such.

I should be well aware of how anger spoils a relationship with the mother I had spouting off anger at any and every opportunity. I see it now. It is inappropriate. I will refrain from expressing anger. I will find healthy outlets for my anger. I will try to see the other person's stuff. I am quite insightful, and I think I can do this for the most part.

The situation with the Team or the bitches I will work with is more or less resolved, but they are holding power over me still by not letting me contribute as a full-fledged team member. I will let this slide for three months while I finish my book, but that is all. Afterwards, I would hope they would treat my ideas with respect and implement at least some of them.

If they do not, I can live with it, but I will not contribute to the team with any extras. I will work to rule at 25  contact hours a week. If they allow me to contribute I will work as a full-fledged team member and do extras to make the team work. The decision is theirs.

I have ample support and appreciation of my ideas through my publishing career. No one can tell me my ideas are not valuable because they are being distributed on a worldwide basis. If these women want to be assholes, let them. If the college chooses not to allow me to contribute, so be it. I will work to rule. Fuck them. And they will have nothing on me.

I do hope however, that a more workable solution will be found. I will continue to work with human rights in this regard.

I am going to visit my brother in Ottawa on Thursday. And then off to my parents. I will see three friends in Montreal. It will be a great trip. I am very happy and excited about it.