Goal Completed on Jun 27, 08
Shamedtothecore 
11:10pm, October 23, 2009
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About Me
Shamedtothecore
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About Me
I refuse to focus on my problems any longer. I intend to start living and moving forward. Period, the end. If you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.
I refuse to focus on my problems any longer. I intend to start living and moving forward. Period, the end. If you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.
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Interests
Drawing, Painting, Reading, Writing, Dancing, Swimming
Drawing, Painting, Reading, Writing, Dancing, Swimming
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Journal
This entry is private
This entry is private
This entry is private
This entry is private
This entry is private
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Hugbook
Flower
Stopping by to give you a hug.Have a good weekend.
Flower
How are doing Core? How did the meeting with the Dean go?.xo
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Miss You
Hi Susan,I hope you are ok.Miss you.Hugs
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Flower
Flowers for you.And lots of hugs.Thinking about you.
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Miss You
Hi, I'm home from the hospital.Wanted to send a hug and I hope all is ok with you.Have a great weekend.
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Photos
Shamedtothecore hasn’t uploaded any photos yet
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Anxiety
I have finally identified my problem. I feel shame about myself as if I am flawed and defective as a human being--and I know this is not at all true but it is what I feel and also it is what I learned from my parents who felt the need to control me to the extent that I had no feelings or my feelings or choices were not important. Then there was the covert sexual abuse and the yelling and screaming at me every single day. I need someone to talk to about this.
Treatments
- Ativan Somewhat Helpful
- side effects
- Breathing Exercises Somewhat Helpful
- not bad
- Doxepin Working / Worked
- good for sleeping in --now on low dose
- Melatonin Too Soon to Tell
Close Family Issues
I have huge issues with my parents. They were the ones who shamed me to the core. They made me feel like there was something wrong with me. This feeling is still with me and I want it out NOW. They negated my feelings, ideas and choices. They forced me to comply with their wishes. They abused me emotionally and sexually & then threw me out of the house when they were done. Now, they pretend that nothing ever happened. I hate them but as with every child there's the hurt that wants resolution.
Treatments
- Writing Working / Worked
- I did this especially when I was young. My parents found my journals and threw them out. I cannot believe that they did that.
Open Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
I have post tramatic stress from an abusive relationship where the perpetrator shamed me like my parents had done. As a result, I could not sleep for a month solid at one point. Till this day (16 years later) I still experience problems sleeping when I feel stressed--like on the job or forming new relationships. I am very angry at my parents and this man for what they did, especially my parents. I wish I could be free of feelings of shame, not feeling good enough. I want to change.
Treatments
- Art Working / Worked
- great, but am a bit perfectionistic
Open Sexual Abuse
I experienced a sort of covert sexual abuse. I discovered my father had all these semi-nude photos of me as a toddler--hundreds of them--none for my brother at the same age. Later in my teens, he used to lie on the couch across from me as we watched TV, he would put his hand down his pants and sort of move it around. My mother was positioned in a chair where she could not see what was going on. My father's behaviour acitivated my mother's jealousy issues and she raged against me constantly.
Treatments
Open Physical & Emotional Abuse
Emotionally abused by narcissistic mother who did not see me as a person but as an extension of herself. She yelled and screamed at me constantly--whenever I would express my self. As a result of this abuse, I have an intense fear of rejection as I was rejected by my own mother.
Treatments
- Art Working / Worked
- Forgiveness Working / Worked
- Leave Working / Worked
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
Open Shyness
I have a fear of people because my mother rejcted me.
Treatments
- DailyStrength Working / Worked
- Self-help Working / Worked
Open Depression
Mostly I have anxiety, but lately I've been feeling depressed. It's an old friend. Have been there before. My problem is I avoid life quite a bit and so I don't have many friends. I feel lonely because of this and it makes me depressed to be alone all the time. I'm too afraid of people. I figure they will all hurt me like my mother did. I'm 52. What a laugh. You think I could get over it, but it just hangs on. Especially I would like a man or good companion. I hope I find a good companion soon.
Treatments
- Writing Working / Worked
Open Menopause
Have had 4 periods in six weeks. I guess this is it.
Open Anger Management
Just too agressive--need to be assertive, not agressive so I don't alienate people.
Open Agoraphobia & Social Anxiety
Mild to medium social anxiety and sometimes agoraphobic
Open Loneliness
hard to make friends, no partner
Open Androgenic Alopecia
happened 30 years ago...due to a shaming experience from abandonment and betrayal
