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NicciH22 
Well this is the first time ive wrote here. Just had the urge for some reason. Its been 4 weeks tomo since it happened, well since i went to the hospital with the bleeding and i really thought i was starting to feel better about everything but i feel wrecked again today. i think i might be getting my period really soon ive had few period pain cramps so perhaps im emotional because of hormones coz i do tend to get pretty bad PMS. I cant stop thinking about whats happened, its almost like i was trying to kid myself i was still pregnant. For some stupid reason i picked up a tiny little pink cardigan in the supermarket tonight then i realised, i was like what the fuck are you doing you stupid cow then ended up in the supermarket toilet crying. it fucking angers me im like this i dont wanna be i just want everything back! im so frustrated, i fell like giving up but luckily ive got my 2 year old to keep me going. I feel guilty i couldnt give him a brother or sister, i was telling him everyday he was gonna have a brother or sister now he aint and i blame myself. I just think im useless because my body shouldve protected my baby better. My boyfriend said last night that our baby wasnt a proper baby anyway!!!! what coz it hadnt been born. thats seriously fucked my head up. i feel so alone now. I got in touch with a therapist today and im going to see her next weds, i thought i could deal with it by talking to my boyfriend but now i realy believe he doesnt care enough, and what kind of a person would say that to the woman they loved about the worst thing thats ever happened to them. its supposed to be his baby too but he obviously doesnt love it, i want my baby back because i miss waking up everyday feeling shitty........knowing that there was a good reason..........i miss wandering round looking at maternity clothes or looking at silly baby stuff. It is so unfair, all these people who abuse their kids and shit and people who are decent have theres taken away...its a sick world and im fed up of it. ive written memorial messages on websites for my baby but i cant go back and look at them, tried that today and felt sick with pain. i called my baby Mia, i am totally convinced it was a girl although ive never told anyone that because quite frankley i dont think anyone will care enough so id rather not waste their airspace with my obviously pathetic going on about my m/c. Im so fucking angry with life, im moody, grumpy and snappy all the time.,i hate myself and blame myself so i think everyone else might as well hate me. im so absorbed in my own grief i cant let anyone in, im put some huge barriers up coz im hurting so im being a bitch to my boyfriend which i dont mean but then he says stuff like that. sicko stuff. fucked up and evil. no matter whats said between us when we argue there is a line.....i can be a complete cow i know that but i know there are certain things you just dont say! ever! I only feel like half a person at the minute, theres a huge hole in my heart, it really hurts me more than i ever let on to anyone. i think im going insane. so glad im going to see this lady next week, i need to talk to someone who doesnt just tell me to get over it and move on becaiuse anyone with feelings, anyone who knows what its like to have a living person inside of you and have your whole body change like that will know that you cant just turn the feelings off and on like a light switch. this is gonna take a long time but ive taken this step myself because im at breaking point now....plus the fact im alone too.
Comments
You are right this is a totally shitty situation. I wish that we all could wake up tomorrow & have our baby back inside of us. I am glad to hear that you are going to talk to someone about this, have you asked your boyfriend to go with you eventually? It might be a good idea. My hubby & I never fight, but the week after my D&C we got in a huge fight, I didn't feel he was upset & he felt that I was out of control emotionally. We finally talked & he explained how he REALLY felt ~ I had no idea. It was amazing how I was able to cope more after knowing his feelings. Maybe what you need is a neutral person to help mediate. I pray things get better for you, you will never forget, but hopefully you can learn to live for what you have here on earth. God Bless & I am always here to listen.
dulcylee
Youre in the right place... a chat room full of angry women! i know that your situation doesnt feel fair, I know mine doesnt but you cannot blame yourself and when it comes down to it there is no one to blame. On the positive side you do have a son, and just look at him Im sure he is perfect. You know that you have the ability to have a child and I know is doesnt make it hurt anyless but you can try again. This pain will never go away but you will learn to live with it and become even more thankful for all the good things that you do have. Sometimes we dont know what we have until we have lost. If one thing is true it is this, youre a much stronger person now than you were before and you should be proud of that!
Zayannee
hi i havent taled to you much but i can relate. i had a miscariage i wasn't very far along but my hormones were all messed up. i went to a dr. give me some meds and in about a month i felt better. until then i was a mess. do you have a dr. right now? if so you should go. they really do help. you can go to your o.b. thats where i went.
iluvmyhottie
Trust all of us here at DS we know how you're feeling as many of us have walked that same path. My prayers are with you. Tammy
tammywelch
My little girl who is 2 also would point to my stomach and say baby. She stopped a week before I had my m/c. I feel gulity that I lost her little sister or little brother but I know that it wasn't my fault.
We'll get through this. We both have 2 year olds that won't let us give up. :)
here4fun