Micall's Journal

DS is/was my lifeline ! About 2 years ago i needed friends to get me out of deep water, i feel im out but im still in murky water so i ain't going nowhere.
DS is a long term thing for some people for some its short term, for me its part time now. One reason for this is that i have gained some confidence and my ever decreasing social circle in my life has gradually increased again thanks to my friends on DS :o) I have to get a happy medium, PC DS TV Work Family house garden relaxation guitar piano and now harmonica etc. To much of any one thing isn't good for me.
We are all different at different stages of recovery/life. Some of us still have life getting on top of us, some of us have got on top of life. Some of us have a lifetime illness, some of us dont.
Im writing this journal because a friend of mine was wondering why things have gone quite for her on DS, its also gone quite for me, partly because i haven't been on here as much, partly because some of my original friends have left DS too.
I haven't had a drink for nearly 20 months :o) but i do still have problems. Its still hard to like myself, i feel that the person i was, the good the bad and the ugly are still battling with each other, i wish i wasn't and still am that person sometime but i will keep trying.
I have heard it said that you have to do it for yourself, there has been something which kind of changed that though. My partner found out she had cancer last year, she has had it cut out and is waiting for the all clear now so fingers crossed there. We are closer than we have ever been because of this, i dont drink and we get on with life as usual, we tried to not think about it and find time to relax, maybe relaxed too much, things haven't got done at home, the garden and house have gone down hill, the kids kind of look after themselves. We have only just told the kids ! They were very upset but they like there mother have shown an inner strength that i didn't know until now existed.
Anyway back to me lol. Because of the circumstances in the last year i had to stay sober ! I have felt drained though and haven't been here for others, i do come on DS to play really in UK group, just litle games which are easy on the mind, its fun. Anyway, i've gone off track here a bit. I suppose what im saying is life has its ups and downs, life is unpredictable but one thing is for sure, friends on DS might come and go but dont give up on DS there is a world of DS friends out there who need a friend as much as we do sometimes.

Thank you for offering your hand in friendship, i am sorry that i didnt take it, i was too tired to be a friend !