Journal

Hi Rev ##### My name is Michael #####, im the grandfather of Jack #####, father of Ricki ##### whom you Christened last Sunday 15th December. I thought i would email you and kind of reassure you that your words aren't wasted in mine and my families case and im sure other families to. I made the mistake of not singing at the Christening, my excuse being that i cant sing. My next mistake was following in my partners steps and not joining in on the prayers, i truly regret this as i do have an open mind to God/religions etc. When i was a child i went to St Mary's school in ###### ##### although i wasn't a catholic. My mother wasn't religious, my father didnt go to church but always referred to the man upstairs ! and so i have been kind of 50/50 but always wanting to believe more in a God. Since the Christening i have talked to my 16 year old daughter and my partner saying that we should have more faith in a God and that me not singing or praying set a bad example. Father ##### at St Marys church/school ! who was a lovely man, did things his own way, seemed very simular to you and my dad, they didnt go by the book so to speak, were and still do have a big influence on my life, they bring me back on the strait and narrow. I have made ALOT of mistakes in my life since leaving St Marys, from the age of eleven i went to a non religious school because i wanted to be with my brothers to protect me from bullying, which happened most breaks at my infant/junior school. I deliberately failed my eleven plus to do this. I not only ended up in the school with my brothers but in a C stream class. All hell broke loose from then until now realy. I ended up in court 10 to 15 times and in prison etc, ended up a drug addict, then become an alcoholic. I didnt tell my children this until they were old enough to understand and not copy me. It worked thank God ? I have been sober for 20 months now, i had to stop as i was drunk for weeks on end and not knowing it ! (blackouts) Its a long 30 year story. I am now learning to be at one with the world sober. Its been hard but when i have good thought and do good deeds i feel much better, what is that all about lol. Its ok i know what that's all about, its about liking myself etc. I'm no angel and the Christening was a scary place for me as i have been used to hiding in drink, the reason i didnt pray etc is that i ashamed of myself, sorry but i have to be honest. The positive in all this is that the Christening emphasised good people trying to help others, i do do this but deep down in me there is still a bad person, which stems from the crime, drugs and drink lifestyle, i have seen heaven and hell, drug/drink induced and in sober life, quick fixes which actually break this person in the long run. I could go on forever here and maybe you would find it interesting but im sure you are a busy man spreading good. Thank you for reassuring us, i doesn't go over most of our heads. I will be having a word with my other children saying that i and they should of sang and prayed, for themselves others and out of respect for the people of the church, (when in Rome do as the Romans do) My children and partner can be hard work in this area and others but just by setting a good example i know you or even i make a big difference, keep up the good work. Yours sincerely Michael.

PS i was on the 3rd row, you were looking straight at me at the beginning of the service, i looked the other way after the first few minutes as i thought you might ask me to comment, i would love to of commented but couldn't.

Good will is a two way street.

Of all the people that you would of thought would see this would be your family rite ?

Well, Its always been the same around here, i have tried to teach my kids, one 16 today, 20 22 24 and 25 from a previous relationship. They all MIGHT do things if they get something back. They wont do things because it is right or decent. If a person shits on you once then maybe you might give them another chance, if its one of your kids you will keep doing things for them no matter what they do or dont do ! 

My daughter has just got caught smoking outside her school, a grammar school ! Its her 16th birthday today. She, like all my other kids have bedrooms a foot deep in crap, plates with food on left for days or a week if you dont say anything etc etc, its all getting too fucking much for me though. The untidiness is just an example of the way my kids think !

My partner who said the other day, its only a matter of time before i leave, might be right. She thought i was staying because she was ill, that is true but its also true that she is my soul-mate and i would like to spend the rest of my life with her. Can i handle my kids walking all over us though.