Journal

Please God, let SSI come through soon, I'm so tired of being poor, I have no money and no work, not that I can work hardly at all, but I have no money, they made me wait for four months before they finally called me in, then they want all this bullshit like the last two years worth of paystubs....who saves all that and when I'm bipolar how am I supposed to be organized?  They just don't work with you, you try to give them w2's, but that's not good enough, why?  It makes no sense to me at all.  Whatever. It's just red tape bullshit and I'm sure something will give, but when?  I can't depend on my dad anymore. He's had to dip into his retirement fund to help us stay in our apartment. That's not fair.....I can't do this anymore, please God, let it happen sooner rather than later, I know all things are in YOUR time not my time but please, for my dad's sake if not for mine, let it come soon!

Thank you, God......

I haven't been here in awhile but I'm baaaaaack....

Welp....I admitted I was powerless over bipolar and that my life had become unmanagable.  I came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. Became willing to turn the care of my life over to God as I understand God.

And I have.  God told me to apply for disability so I did.  And I got it!  I just need that little piece of paper making it official but the hearing was clear; the vocational expert said there's no work for me.  That was amazing.  So here I am, working only part time, waiting for the papers and that first nice check. 

The waiting is hard.  My paranoia strikes deep....into my mind it creeps....something may happen in the interim or whatever; and I shouldn't tell too many people lest they give me shit about it.  But it's my business, and I had to do it, so I did it.  Whoohoo!

So now I'm restless and a little crazy; I need to sit down and pray. And read.  I went to an AA meeting and that was good...by the way I celebrate 2 YEARS SOBRIETY today.  Whoohoo!  Good things are happening for me.  I am blessed.....