AnAddictionAdored's Journal

Hi guys... And Girls I suppose.
Does anyone actually take offense to that?

Well, I've moved now.
I'm now living in town.
Well, it's considered a city here but to those in america it would probably feel like a town.
Some actress came to New Zealand and called Auckland (our biggest city I think) a "Quaint little town".
So.

We're small.

But anyway, I still haven't unpacked properly.
We've been here over a month and most of my crap is sitting in boxes at the foot of my bed.
Everything is different.
I don't feel like this is my home.
I feel homeless at the moment.
I feel like I've lost any sense of home anywhere.

I don't belong here, I don't belong at my boyfriends house...
I feel guilty eating food anywhere I stay because I feel like I'm wasting there money.

I feel like a outcast.

Just floating in this permanent state self disgust.
I think about running away, or finally getting rid of myself.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm not a kid, but I'm not supporting myself.

Blurgh.

Things aren't going well with my boyfriend.

My family isn't what it used to be.
Everythings BREAKING.

And I can't fix it.
One of my sisters is a drug addict, another is depressed and acting out.
It just doesn't work like it used to.

I can't talk to my boyfriend about much because I feel like he's going to be judgemental or just be annoyed at me for taking about depressing things.
Why did I have to be faulty.

Why can't I just be normal like all those other people in the world?
Why can't I be selfish and greedy too?
Why can't I be happy and ignorant?
Why do I have to fucking CARE?!