AnAddictionAdored's Journal

Feeling kind of worthless, to be honest.

I used to feel so preasured into being the right thing.
To behaving well, doing what I was told, etc.
And I will, of course, still listen to my elders if they tell me to do something.
As I'm a teenager, I realise that I do not have the knowledge/experience as those older than me so I do take their orders without too much complaint.

But I don't feel like I have to be a slave anymore.
I feel like, since I am getting older, I should have more control over the way my life is.
For instance, with my sister, if she is being an emotional, unappreciative leach, I feel like I should have the right to say "No, no I wont take this anymore" and to walk away.
But perhaps that is wrong.
Perhaps I'm not made to be my own person, but merely a filler to help others.
Just another servent, rather than a master.
Perhaps I've been simply avoiding my "path" and that is why life feels so wrong.
Why it feels like everything is wrong and "on the wrong path".

So I'll be your baker, your sister, your friend and your supporter.
I will be your pretty little helper and your obedient little slave.
My needs are unimportant.

Since it is selflessness that I crave...

Hmm... so, first act of helpfulness.
Baking.
It's really the only helpful thing I can do for anyone.
I'll make some bread, biscuits and muffins.
Nieces and nephews should like that... and my sisters.
Then perhaps I should clean the kitchen.
My mother will like that.
 better get to work.
... As soon as I'm done with this depressed girl I'm chatting to.