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dairydoll 
Well August 25th will be two years since my mom died. I have been thinking about what I was doing this time two years ago. Little did I know two years ago that in a few days she would be gone. All the what if's and I should haves are flooding in and of course the tears are flowing again. I believe this is all normal but it still hurts so much. I think one thing that I would've changed in those last days is that I would've talked to her even though she was sedated and we thought she was getting the pain free rest she so much needed. I've heard that people can still hear you. So I wish I would've talked to her about all our wonderful memories. Although I know my mom knew how much she was loved and we would do anything for her that is the one thing that I would change. Instead we were all trying not to disturb her and let her rest because the pain was just so bad. You do what you think is the right thing at the time so I guess we were right at the time. I know that you can't dwell on what you should have done but need to remember what you did do. It was all done it love which makes it right, I guess. I miss her so much. I had no idea what life would be like without having your mom with you. Life is so different without her. The family is so different without her. Life does go on. My life does go on. I will allow myself to feel what I am feeling these next few days but I must go on and make my life as happy as possible and I have alot to be thankful for and sometimes you know we forget that. You have to keep reminding yourself of all the good that you have in your life and not dwell on the losses. It will drive you crazy if you let it. For me, although I am hurting so much right now I choose to live my life remembering my wonderful mother and all the times we had together and not dwell on the painful times leading up and losing her. My mom would be proud of me and expect it from me but also understand how I feel without her. I feel so much for all the people on here especially who have experienced a loss recently that feel so heartbroken and their world has been shattered. It will get better but you have to work on it and it won't be easy but you can do it. You have to allow yourself to mourn and learn acceptance. Prayers to all.
