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dairydoll 
Today is my mom's birthday and all day today I've been crying and crying. The tears just come. Two years ago today I was making my mom's favorite meal, chicken and dumplings for her birthday. She loved them so much. She was so sick but she tried to eat alittle of them. Three weeks later she died. Although today is especially heartbreaking for me, I have actually been doing much better the last few months. I am not on depression meds any longer. I just simply refuse to believe that I would have to take them the rest of my life (which the doctor said was a possiblity). My life is forever changed since mom died but I have to fight and try to find some joy and get back to whatever normal will be without her. My kids and husband were so worried about me that I knew I had to do something. I even got a part time job which does help get me out. My two little granddaughters are wonderful but I didn't even want to spend time with them or anyone. I just closed myself off from everyone and stayed in the house. So I had to do something or I don't think I would have made it. So far, so good. Today is tough, and this month will be tough but my mom would be so sad if she knew what I have been going through the last two years. I miss her so much. I have changed so much. I really don't see too much of our family since she died. She and I were the ones that pulled everyone together for holidays and cookouts and just family time. Me being in the shape that I was couldn't do the holiday meals and cookouts. I thought others would help but it seems like everyone is too busy with their lives. I don't know if I envy them because they just kept on going or I'm alittle mad at them because no one has made an effort to keep some things going. I'm better now and I will try to gather everyone for the holidays if possible. It's just, everything has changed since she died. I miss her so much. Life does go on but it's just so different. I know that I will be ok and I know that these special days and anniversaries are going to be the hardest to deal with. I love you and miss you mom, Happy Birthday!
