dairydoll's Journal

My mom has been dead for a year and I still struggle with it but still getting better. Now my dad is in the hospital and it's like having flashbacks. His condition is life theatening right now and it seems that I am the one who knows more about his situation than anyone else in the family. I was at the hospital yesterday and had to correct so many of his responses to people about his medical conditional. God love him, he is sick and gets confused sometimes. He has so many medicial problems but right now his blood count is very low. The doctors are afraid he will have a heart attack because his heart is working so much harder than it should be. He was up here for a visit from Florida and was ready to leave on Friday but he was so weak he agreed to let me take him to the hospital. He didn't want to be admitted but the doctors told him straight talk, that if he didn't get treatment that he would die. He agreed to 24 hours but they are telling him that he will be in until sometime next week. He wants to go home to Florida. I am going to go home with him and stay with him until hopefully he gets better. Right now that is all up in the air. He lives in Florida, alone, no family lives there so we are so worried about him every day. But that is want he wanted to do after mom died. I was at the hosptial yesterday and after awhile I just had to leave. The emotion and anxiiety was getting pretty bad. The reality that this may be the beginning of the end for him too is overwhelming. If he makes it back home, how can I leave him there and come back home. If at all possible I feel very strongly that people should be able to be where they want to be and do want they want to do, especially in their later years. If that means that some of the family members are alittle inconveinenced, so what, deal with it. It makes sense to the family that he stay up here where everyone is close but if that isn't what he wants then I'm with him. If he makes it through this and he wants to go home then he goes home. I'll just have to stay with him for as long as I can. I am in the best position to be able to do that. It will be hard but I believe I can hold it together. I guess we really need to take one step at a time and get him out of the hospital first. Then we'll go from there. I will take a deep breath and pull it together and do what I have to do to get through today. I'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow! If anyone reads this, sorry, just needed to vent alittle.