Join Now
rob76 
fuk everything,,,my logic is correct and most people dont see it..mainly my fake family...im forced now to have no control over my death as before i had a plan but now im out of resources....pennsylvania sucks i hate hate this state and all doors are closed.im in a fukin hotelroom in the middle of nowhere....all i know is that i dont want to leave this world with anger because im afraid it will impact my destination....i know my t will never get better and i will accept it..so im only on borrowed time...i dont feel sorry formyself i just want to end things the right way....i want to be at peace and one person took this from me because of their own insecurity....no where to go but up or down..........Tinnitus destroyes peoples lives and no 1 cares.....bottom line
Comments
there is no god no good and no evil...everyone for themselves and if u fall no 1 to pick u up....i cant fucking take this shit anymore...the person i was or could have been died 6 monyhs ago...this fucking board sucks too...they all do...i will never be the same again..jst an empty shell watching the world from a glass cage....i dont even know what i do withmyself all day...i cant work i cant go anywhere and every person i have ever been friends with is piece of shit....would they call me or be conserned if i was in a wheelchair.,...maybe ill cut off my own legs so ican make my pain visible....what the fuck does it take but than again i was a selfish bastard too...before this,,,,,now all i want to do is die,,,im not afraid but threre a lot of things that could go wrong.....my production career is over and i was just getting started,,,,my music is my life..... it's what defined me...now im just a ghost..i want to believe that this will go away but i know the chances are slim...i've had a fucked up life and sufferd a lot..and everyone says im so strong to have endured so much...the truth is that im not,,,none of the fucked up events in my life ever made me stronger i just became numb.........scared,battered,bruised,,im losing my mind and just want to go to a better place ,,away from all this pain and suffering,,,,,waiting to see if my phone rings and it never does anymore...because i cant go out anymore and party or play out at clubs like used 2....my new name is DJ assface,,,,,i need help...my life cant end this way,,,,im still jst a kid...not fair ...all because of one person,,,,who didnt give me earplugs at the gunrange...fuck him.......a persons life can be destroyed in a few minutes...i will not live the rest of my life in a prison fuck that..i just dont give a shit .....anymore,,,bring the pain...........and alcohol should be listed as a form of treatment..........let's see.....alcohol/working
Comments
-
Hi Rob, so sorry that you are in so much pain. While I can't say I know exactly how you are feeling, I can say that I know what pain is. Pain is Pain no matter how it manifests itself. I am here if you want to talk or just sound off. But I warn you... I can get and give a good swift kick when needed. Hope your doing better today. Be well and Love YOUR SELF.
-
iam sorry you are in such pain.. i know the feeling i had ringing in my ears most of my life from getting losta ear infections. it used to drive me nuts but. one day i made up my mind i said to myself i will not let this take away my happiness. anyway.. i will keep you in my prayers. If you need someone to talk to I'm all ears.
-
hope thats made you feel better,for the time being having a good blast,im looking out 4 the next one,take it easy ave a cool ed.
-
You sounded like me a while back, i havent been sober long, but let me tell you.. I thought that alcohol was my strength, that it gave me power...the truth is Rob, it took away my power.
I lost everything great in my life. I was sleeping around and now let me tell you, i feel it man. Wow, do i ever.
BUT....today, you can reclaim your life back. DO IT! You want it.
This may sound like horsesh*t to you now, but let me tell you...alcohol is the crappy reason we are where we are now. Lets use this time to reflect on how to get better, ok.
TO RECLAIM YOUR LIFE BACK...it WILL get better, trust me i know all too well.
New Beginnings...we both deserve it.
Screw the bars and phony people where their only passion is how much piss they can drink.
Meliss (Emm)
-
I wish I could just hold you and let you weep. That's what I would do and then we would go out and eat and go do something stupid and probably have fun in the process. I wish you peace my tonight my friend. I am sorry for whatever happened to you and I've had bad things happen to me too, but I don't want to go to prison either so I choose Jesus love for me..I don't know any other way and so far it is helping me stay alive one day at a time. I tried Alcohol but it didn't work for the pain and whenever you sober up it's just still there so I hated that. Message me and let's talk. I think I can help you. Where are you now?
today is even worse,,,i dont know if i want to live like this,,,,the doctor gave me prednisone and it made my condition worse,,,a lot,,,i cant believe how intense the ringing and whistling is ,,,iv almost lost my mind today twice.what if the prednisone made it permenanly worse,,,this really unbearable,,i cant function this way...like having blown fuses in your head,,i wish i could get some sleep,,,some rest,,,from this..i feel so isolated from the rest of the world,,,by far this is the loneliest i have ever felt in my life,,,feels like there is a hurricaine in my head,,im supposed to go back to work on thirsday but i dont see it happening,,,i cant go outside without earplugs...
Past Entries
| October 2007 |
|
Monday, 10/01
|
Rob,
If I understand right, you're in the six month zone of the big T. It toke me about 7 to 8 months to even start adapting to severe T. I'm now in month 13 and I'm doing much better though the T is about the same. There used to be an old Veteran on this sight (severe T 10+ years) and he told me you'll gradually just see your T as just another noise in a noisy world. I think he's right. I have a friend who is a wedding videographer who has severe T for 8 years. He claims the volume of his T went down after 2 1/2 years.
The isolation and torment of T is torture. I don't think anyone can relly understand blindness unless they are blind.
Did you see the post on the ABC news special on T on the discussion page? T is starting to get the attention it deserves.
I've lived in Pennsylvania all my life. It's not that bad...
I apologize. I meant to comment on one of your previous journal entries and never did.
Your friend,
John
JohnK
rob, i feel the same way.. about the HATE in my heart. i dont want to die, especially feeling this hatred for my ex,and alot of my "family" thats a recipe for damnation in eternity. Im scared man! dont wanna live, dont wanna die! but it canget better as long as your alive, fight it man,try to not fight man! its hard, i feel ya exactly!!! wouldnt fault ya for offing urself. but put it off another day.
a1a
all people are shit and leave at some point
i wish i could die too but something tells me not too.. that im too young and even tho my chest pounds and i see no clarity ahead that i need to... im very disappointed with this people like you and many others just suffering and when someone gets really pressured they just give up and leave
well rob youve got a friend in me and im not like them i dont know if its a gift or a curse on me but i wont judge you and ill be there
secrecy
Rob, If you are there I am here for you. I have the most disasterous t and feel like you do. Peace at any cost is what I tell myself. Like secrecy though something tells me to not do it right now. I hope you are resting peacefully wherever you are right now my friend. Mark
winterbridge
hey man i get bad T too i just listen to music. just know that alot of ppl suffer in silence and the world may seem bad but it is only cuz we are suffering. there are some good in this life. hold on.
lovewins