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deathwarmedup 
so a lot has happened for me this last week and I'm left feeling like i dont know where I'm at anymore and i dont know where I'm heading and I'm so lost i just dont know.
so mainly my jobs have been stressing me out. my main job at the restaurant i hate but i love (as a friend) one of the two owners there and she's going through soo much at the moment it would be so cruel for me to leave. Last sunday i watched her attack my other boss in the middle of lunch service. (she had her reasons) but then we sat down and had a meeting. they told me they'd train me to be manager put me through my bar course and everything if i left my other job so they could have me on the busy days of the week which is fair enough i guess.
but i love my other job at a cafe. i love the people and the work. and their always sooo supportive of me. even so i decided it was best to hand in my resignation there. not sure i did the right thing though. my boss at the cafe offered me a full time position there.
and an old employee at the restaurant keeps telling me to get out while i can. i feel like im being pushed and pulled and prodded in all these different directions and i just want to get out and start again!!!
but my boss is holding the cafe job for me till the end of next month, which is nice of her.
and now i think im beginning to piss my therapist off. i cant help it.
he keeps asking me what im thinking and i always answer oh i dunno nothing. lol. he told me im not going to get anywhere if i dont want to talk about any of the painfull stuff. but i do talk about the painfull stuff sometimes its just some days i cant!!!
oh and to top it off todays fathers day in nz :-l yay
thankyou daddy where would i be without you right?!?!?!!!!!!
god i just wanna cry. but i cant because i dont cry.
been somking a lot more pot then normal for me these last few weeks if feels so good. i can lie on the floor of my bedroom and feel like the life is draining slowly from my body. its so peaceful.
ah well..... what can i do right?
nothing, not my decision
UPDATED GOALS
what happened to you to make you so scared? becoming a shadow of what you were.
you run without thinking for thinking forces you to confront the very thing you are running from.
you seek help but refuse it when it comes. you have something to say yet stay solomly quiet then mourn the loss of the chance to speak out.
you feel repressed yet you repress yourself.
you wait silently for someone to save you. and its never the right person.
you wait for every second to pass by you live your life for others
you are disgusting and filthy and self pitying and self harming in every way possible
what the fuck do you think youre doing in my mirror?
UPDATED GOALS
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Past Entries
| June 2008 |
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Sunday, 6/08
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May 2008 |
Friday, 5/23
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Sunday, 5/11
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April 2008 |
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Sunday, 4/06
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March 2008 |
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Sunday, 3/16
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February 2008 |
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Sunday, 2/24
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Tuesday, 2/12
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January 2008 |
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Monday, 1/28
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Sunday, 1/27
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Friday, 1/25
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Thursday, 1/24
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Sunday, 1/20
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Saturday, 1/19
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Sunday, 1/13
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Wednesday, 1/09
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Sunday, 1/06
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Friday, 1/04
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Wednesday, 1/02
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Goal Updated
been there ... hang on there lady!
narkissose
hang in there dear young lady help is only a mouse click away
rooboy01
Seems more like you and I are stuck in eachothers mirrors....Well, atleast one of us can still write.
Justanotherface
I nearly destroyed every mirror I have in the house one evening. I was feeling much like yourself and it disgusted me when I look in the mirror and see the face looking back. I wish I could offer you something good but I am afraid that I am at a loss on this one. If I can figure out anything that helps, I will post it on the board for everyone.
StillOfTheNight