socc951's Journal

why am i so....empty? i have no thoughts, what-so-ever. i'm not numb, because that would imply that i do have feelings, they are just on pause. i have no feelings, at all. obviously, i want to cut, but since i just did thursday, i can postpone the inevitable, at least for now.....

not happy, sad, mad, angry, frustrated, lonely, anything. just....dead inside i guess.

and it's taking forever to come up with even these thoughts.... like it's an effort just to think anything at all......

a friend said that i was kinda distant.....good choice of words.....cause that's what i am. my body's like a thousand miles off from my brain.....there's no connection, at all.....

listening to music, like i always do. trying to figure out whether the music sparks any emotion. not really. the music itself is very positive, uplifting, inspiring. but my emotions? nothing. if anything, like a bored or not interested type of emotion.

and even the smiley for this journal is messed up.... i'm not feeling horrible, but that's the closest thing to my emotion. i started putting it on "ok", because that's my face right now....but i'm not okay..... how can i be "ok" if i'm dead (inside)?

i think i may have major depression. i'm seeing someone on campus, finally, so i'll bring it up to her.....