Journal

I never come here. I never know what to say. My current boyfriend has forced me to stop cutting and doing drugs outside of alchol at moderation or weed which I don't like anyway. He said that anytime I cut myself that he'll have a new cut on him in the same place and he can't handle pain. I don't know how to deal without a release. We're also into bdsm and he's noticed that I've started to use that as my coping mechanism. I'll ask him to flog,spank,whip me or what not when I need a release. *Sigh* I should probably come here more. IDK. I'm lost. xxxxxx

I haven't been doing much of anything. I sleep a lot. Like 12 hours. I get grumpy if I don't get that much sleep. It's currently 4am and I'm wide awake and wish I weren't. I'm reading a lot right now which makes me feel smart. I'm still trying to work on writing my book but have gotten stuck by not being sure what angle to take it from. Do I write it as a disordered girl searching for herself or do I come from a spiritual standpoint. Would people really understand that I'm mentally ill AND a psychic,medium,intuitive? Or would they just think because I'm mentally ill that I'm making up being psychic? I think it can kind of go hand in hand - but there is a disorder that talks about "magical thinking" as one of the side affects. I, do not, however believe that I have that disorder. Just a thought.