sourdukky's Journal

I feel like so out of control right now. I don't know how to feel better!

I've been crying all day and I just want to be happy. Why does it feel like such a chore to just smile? Just the other day I was in the best mood ever, but now I'm back at the bottom. This stupid disorder is getting the better of me and I don't know how to stop it! 
The days that I'm happy I wish I could just bottle and keep for the days I feel like this.
I'm finding myself constantly wondering "why me?" I feel so alone, like nobody understands and knows what I'm going through. I also feel like I drag people down when I do feel this way so I try to isolate myself and not be around people to get them all mad at me for "feeling sorry for myself." Even writing on here I feel like I'm a big lump just writing and having people read and say, "Come ON... Stop feeling so sorry for yourself!!!"