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OrphanAnnie 
1:02pm, July 19, 2009
Don't figure anyone will read this and guess I don't care -- have no one to explain this insight to who would understand or care, guess journaling is all I can do. With ADD and a horrible anxiety disorder, and being female, I've always been trained not to let the hyper show or to be confident about it. Authority figures don't like hyper -- most men I know don't like women who are both hyper and confident (well, I do work for some very reactionary males, so maybe not all are like that) -- even other women don't really like women who are hyper. I've had trouble with the ADD lately; as my diabetes gets under control some of my energy is coming back, and as soon as I get a little energy I start getting hyper -- and then I start getting anxious. Spent my whole life hiding what I am from other people, since no matter who the other person is there's some facet of my personality that they really don't like (even my friends). But I can never seem to get enough done, and I know that part of it is because I'm so busy squashing myself down I won't let myself access the energy that comes with the hyper part. It's hard to harness and focus that part, but I used to be able to do it on occasion, and I need to learn to do it again. And I need to be not afraid of what other people's reactions are going to be. I'm 58 and I'm tired of hiding.
In the last year or so I've started using multi-syllable words, not stopping to"dumb down" what I'm saying. (Dammit, if someone doesn't understand a word they can look it up online or buy a dictionary!) So now, I need to learn to do the same regarding teh hyper -- (1) stop being afraid of the hyper, (2) learn to tap into when I have it, and (3) stop being afraid to let other people see it.
It would be great if I could take meds to focus and direct my energy, and on my next shrink visit I'll ask about that. But at my age that's probably not going to be workable; after menopause your body responds differently to medications. So whatever works, it's going to have to be something that changes in my own attitude.
I have at least one friend who is able to harness her "hyper" and is not afraid or ashamed of it. (Of course, she doesn't have an anxiety disorder.) Anyway, I'm going to try to think of her when I get cowardly.
UPDATED GOALS
Get my blood sugar down
Progress 85%
Fasting Glucose(Diabetes)
201
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1 day out/4 mos. for anx
Progress 75%
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Comments
Directing your energies is good, as I find the mind & anxieties can race. We are who we are, with our own unique types of personalities. Getting to balance with our number of disabilities, a challenge yes, but I can't throw in the towel. Working in a law firm, that's great and a success in itself.
I get pissed at times, when I my balance is out of whack - yes, it does add more challenge with the stranges' of that menopausal thingy'. So maybe, our balance will feel tippy'.... and it's okay.
It's being able to work it & control it, that best suits me. I guess, what fears me more to continue the fight & challenge - is I still got the mind to do it.
No matter what, you know you've been able to overcome. So what, if there's some barriers ... bust it through or take another turn. Main thing, your in control. You are what you are, and continue to be proud & hold heart to it. ... Axieties do rise, and it will be part of us. It's okay, soothe it and take a step back or move a step forward - you know what is most comfortable. Take care of our sugars; anxieties and whatever' what nots'. Much hugs!
it2speaks
Woooooooooohoooooooooooo!
Can I just say, I'm totally inspired by this? I mean, first of all, as the proud papa of 10 rescued kitties, I have to say I LOVE your avatar, she is soooooooooo precious and cute and beautiful!!!! I LOVE calicos!!!!
But back to your post -- I'm bipolar, and people look at me like I"m nuts when I'm Bouncy Todd. they say they're afraid I'm going to Pull a Poodle and pee on their feet.
:)
Sometimes, just to get back at them, I fantasize about doing just that. One of these days ...
:)
But I think you're right ... don't hide who you are for nobody, no how, no way!!
HappyPlatypus
Hyper can be a good thing! Instead of trying to "harness" your hyper, why not finding an outlet for it. Did you know that most famously creative people are either ADD or BiPolar? They found a way to express themselves and use their "hyper/mania" in doing something they loved.
SockFuzz