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OrphanAnnie 
1:02pm, July 19, 2009
Just got back from lunch with my abusive old lady. I know that she likes me, and at the same time I know she considers me ill-educated (everyone in the US is ill-educated, according to her); she disapproves of my "breeding" (she has a Victorian sensibility about the importance of one's forbears being the right kind of people, not very poor people as mine were); and I can't figure out how she can like me when she so obviously holds me in contempt. She insulted me today to my face -- I'd say that casually remarking that I'm ill-educated constitutes an insult. And when I actually said, out loud tho quietly, "Thanks for the insult," she changed her behavior fairly quickly. I thought about getting up and walking out, but ended up staying. I'm going to have to stop riding home with her (that's actually because I need to walk for my diabetes), but when I tell her about that I need also to get up the nerve to tell her that if she insults me one more time I will get up and walk away. That will be very hard for me to do. The irony is that I like her very much in a number of ways -- when she's not insulting I totally enjoy our conversations. But to me friendship has to be based on respect, and I'm not willing to endure this any longer.
I don't deal with anger well. Right now I'm furious, my stomach is in knots, and I'm sitting looking at a dinner (due to screw-ups at the restaurant I ended up bringing my dinner home in a box) that I can't bring myself to eat. In fact, I can't bring myself to eat anything -- which should be good for my blood sugar, since I usually run high, but isn't good for me psychologically.
Well, I can do one thing -- I can call the restaurant and say something about the waitress. The screw-up was minor, it was handled well, and my dinner partner was so obnoxious to the waitress it's a miracle the waitress could remember anything. Since they comped my meal I don't want it to count as a black mark against the waitress, who actually had the best manner I've come across in a long time. Maybe doing something nice will take the bad taste out of my mouth and help me calm down.
Comments
Have you ever considered making a comment to her, quietly and calmly, about the importance of good manners? She's judgmental and that doesn't seem to me to say anything good about her own upbringing. I would politely tell her that you aren't certain you can continue to keep company with someone who is rude to others.
madlou
I've found it difficult to deal with many of the elderly aquaintances & family. Many are set in their ways. I know they mean well and they view me as a younster; and have had to find ways to minimize their repeated advice. For some, I had to just let it go & keep visits short. Others, I'd re-clarify what they said, so they hear it back... and then if I choose, let them know how it made me feel. You have good insight .... with the old lady and saying something good to and about the waitress are always great. Giving smiles back is how we pass it along. lol
it2speaks