today i...
September 26, 2008 1:27am
..did okay. I was on a fairly even keel all day. I applied to two jobs and did a half hour of yoga (hardcore yoga that made my legs into noodles, not …
Progress
30 %
Star9
1:43pm, September 23, 2008
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About Me
Star9
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About Me
I'm an artistic person who works odd jobs to support myself. I have two cats. I'm on the Taurus/Gemini cusp. So I guess that makes me a homebody who can also fix your computer...as long as it's a PC. I study the occult and metaphysics. I have a very open spirituality.
I'm an artistic person who works odd jobs to support myself. I have two cats. I'm on the Taurus/Gemini cusp. So I guess that makes me a homebody who can also fix your computer...as long as it's a PC. I study the occult and metaphysics. I have a very open spirituality.
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Interests
Drawing, anime, studying metaphysics and religions, cooking, natural medicine
Drawing, anime, studying metaphysics and religions, cooking, natural medicine
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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Fun with brain chemistery
September 24, 2008 12:59pm
This is the ultimate case of knowing it's gonna happen being completely not helpful. I'm not just taking a bajillion minerals and amino acids …
This entry is private
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Getting better can make it worse
September 22, 2008 5:29pm
I already feel different, as one would hope on the ridiculous pill regiment I have, in someways better, in some ways worse. Better as in I am …
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Journal Entry for September 21, 2008
September 21, 2008 2:26pm
It still really hurts. How could someone be so hurtful, knowing that what they are about to say will not only hurt like hell to anybody, but hurt you …
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Hugbook
Hug
hey..just came across your profile, don't know if you remember me, but I always liked what you had to say, not to mention your "L" avatar lol....hope you've been okay!
Hug
Wondering where you are but hope that you are ok. Thinking about you xxxx
Hug
*hugz* hope things are well for you
Santa
Ive been missing you sweetie.. hope all is well. happy and wonderful holidays for you..
Hug
hey just wondering if you had any idea why you have my tattoo group that says your founder? :s lol
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionI think I've always had mild depression. It may be because I'm very creative and daily life is sometimes so boring. But I got used to that feeling and barely noticed it. However, lately my depression has become very severe. I'm mostly alone, my family is very dysfunctional. It's just gotten so bad. I've failed college and I'm deeply in debt. Because I feel so bad I call off work alot and I know where that leads.
Treatments
- Wellbutrin Too Soon to Tell
- I'm back on it. Years ago I took plain old Wellbutrin, now I have XL. Waiting to see how it does.
- Lexapro Not Working
- I got it for anxiety, but in turn my depression has taken an extreme turn for the worse.
- Meditation Somewhat Helpful
- This helps a bit during the acute, intensely bad moments. I imagine I am somewhere beautiful and it helps take the edge off.
- Paxil Not Working
- Tried it, but it made me too nauseous to keep taking it.
- Positive Thinking Too Soon to Tell
- I try to start and end every day with a good thought. I have many books about it. However I have also been using subliminal CDs for positive thinking while I sleep and I wake up feeling worse!
- Prozac Not Working
- Did nothing.
- Psychotherapy Not Working
- I used to go, but I hated it. I felt that this person was being paid to hear me out. I resented that and it kept me from feeling better.
- Support from Friends & Family Somewhat Helpful
- They help. Sometimes they can spare a little money or time to keep my head above the water. But the major family dysfunction bothers me alot.
- Wellbutrin Somewhat Helpful
- Was on it. Went back on it. Made me feel okay, but not $150 worth of uninsured "okay". So I'm off it again.
Close Insomnia
It's odd. I have an incredibly hard time sleeping at night, but I can fall asleep anytime during the day. Even if I do get to sleep at night I may wake up many, many times in the night. Sometimes I dream so much and so vividly that I wake up exhausted. I do enjoy the dreams, but I'm so tired the next day. I don't mind being awake all night, it's just that my life suffers for it. I can't take a prescription because I almost never get 8 hours of sleep with my two jobs.
Treatments
- Counting Sheep Not Working
- It sure makes me feel bored, but I give up after about 250 sheep and I'm still awake.
- Lavender Somewhat Helpful
- It helps with my headaches, but not with sleeping.
- Meditation Somewhat Helpful
- It helps me fall asleep now and then, but it doesn't keep me asleep.
- Music Somewhat Helpful
- It helps some nights to calm my thoughts.
- Passion Flower Somewhat Helpful
- It used to be very helpful, but now it's less so.
- Reading Somewhat Helpful
- Like the music, it helps calm my thoughts, but it doesn't help most of the time.
- Valerian Somewhat Helpful
- It takes a massive dose to bring me down. Even then I may not sleep.
- Valium Somewhat Helpful
- The dosage I was given is very low. I have to take quite alot and my supply is not endless. I'm on my last bottle. That's just as well because it is addictive.
Open Stress Management
I tend to bottle up my emotions too much. I deny them until they overwhelm me. I've been having to work very hard to keep my head above the water. I have two jobs, alot of debt, and I failed college because I was working too much.
Treatments
- Hypnotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- I use subliminal CDs. They can really help me calm down, but only if I can get away from everything to listen to them.
- Music Somewhat Helpful
- Aside from the subliminal CDs I also try using nature sounds or tibetian bowls. Some days they help, some days I just get annoyed instead.
- Physical Exercise Working / Worked
- Yoga is quite helpful when I can find some time to devote to it. I've also just started jogging. It really just helps to release pent up energy.
Open Anxiety
I've had a nervous break a few years ago and since then my anxiety has been steadily getting worse until it has become crippling.
Treatments
- Breathing Exercises Not Working
- Not even a dent.
- Lexapro Not Working
- Cured anxiety, replaced it with crushing depression.
- Meditation Somewhat Helpful
- About as helpful as the positive thinking.
- Paxil Not Working
- Couldn't take due to side effects.
- Positive Thinking Somewhat Helpful
- Only works in very short term and is very quickly undone if something upsetting happens.
- Trazodone Not Working
- Horrible side effects!
- Valium Working / Worked
- Worked well, but built a tolerance too fast and quit taking once the dosage reached ridiculous.
- Xanax Not Working
- Did nothing.
