MzBabsie's Journal

I really dont get it.  I've made a conscience effort to get into shape, including walking around the neighborhood, changing my eating habits (vegetarian lifestyle for the last 107 days) and I've even started doing exercises in my cubicle at work to tone my core muscles and such.  I've gained 18 lbs.    I dont get it...I really dont.  I've made changes for the better, and I've gained an astronomical amount of weight.  WHY!?  I'm doing everything right.  I'm so sad right now.  I'm trying not to let it get to me, but I've already thrown my hands up and said "screw it."  I rebelled against my body and went to dunkin donuts this morning for a blueberry muffin and an iced mocha latte.  I dont feel guilty at all.  I should. 

My boyfriend, he's an electrician, met an AC guy on a job, and they hit it off really well.  This guy is into something called airsoft.  It's like paintball, but with little plastic beebees.  We're supposed to go over an play today.  How am I supposed to be able to do this at now 320 lbs.  How can I run from a flying plastic bullet when my scale tells me I'm so large I'm throwing off the Earth's gravitational pull.  I dont want to embarrass my boyfriend in front of this guy, but I dont want to miss out on having fun.  I just dont see how I'll be physically able to do this with all this ugly fat on my 5'4'' frame. 

I dont know what to do.  I really wish I had some help.