saph's Journal

This seems a good place for me to begin my journal, with two poems

I wrote.  These two seem to reflect my heart.

How does one begin to say

all the confused feelings

when to say “no” becomes

a tear to your heart

and anger on the face

of the one you love?

Confused times…

the doctor calls it dementia

and your heart cries

because though he is

still here, the one you love,

he is also leaving.

Going unwillingly and angrily--

here for awhile then gone,

only to return unaware

of the departures.

Slowly slipping away,

gone too often for peace.

Your heart breaks at each going,

each time you need to be

caretaker instead of lover,

each time you need a shoulder

or someone to understand

and are only met with objectivity.

You cry your tears alone

In the depths of the night

not knowing how you will ever

find the strength you need

for you, for him, to go on.

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Nothing feels right ~

So many loose threads.

Conversations started

Never to an end.

Thoughts tumbling

Round in my head

Like tangled strands

Of cat-scratched yarn.

The idiot that’s my mind

Races to make sense of it all

Only to scatter it more

Like wind-blown confetti.

The brief glimpses of me

Bubbling up out of fibro

Seem to convince others

That’s still my reality.

Never understanding

I need those glimpses

To treasure and remember

The person I am.