Sooo's Journal

writing that journal entry yesterday did me a world of good.  it solidified a lot of free-floating emotions - fear and anxiety mostly.  it really helped me do - just as my friends reading it suggested - it helped me see how and why i was reacting that way and to make a CHOICE.  and i choose to take care of me and not let the past or present situation ditate how i would treat myself.  

i have been doing well - on the whole - dealing with this situation ... it just kind of got the better of me yesterday.   and maybe that's not a bad thing - i feel like i got the release of tension i needed ..... without surcoming to a binge.  yea me.

had an okay day.  went to the farmer's market and got some nice bread and veggies and stuff.  made a pot of black bean and corn chilli.  a friend and i went to a art exhibit opening reception - the art was not spectaular but the was live music and munchies and people and we walked there and talked and got fresh air so it was good.

today i am off to the gym, after a pretty good nights sleep so .... i am thinking i'm doing okay.  and am very grateful i did not continue down the path i was on.   like i said i was in danger of an all out binge.    and where binges are concerned there's good news and bad news in my recovery.  the good news is ... i can often feel satisfied with just a bowl of bran cereal and even when i do indulge in more, i don't beat myself up the way i used to.  it takes a might big b(multiple day binge) to make me feel crappy about myself.   the bad news is .... it takes a might big binge to make me feel crappy about myself  .... so if my aim is to feel crappy welll ..... luckly i don't have to worry about that at the moment