Journal

Hey everyone!! I figured I would give ya'll an update on how my life is going at the moment.  Ya'll are probably have read my post about my daugther's dad so I won't go into all that.  Thank you everyone for your responses and support....

I have decided to start a new life and start all over with a fresh new start.  I do have a boyfriend, (he just happens to be the father of the girl that my husband (soon to be ex) molested.)   For the last 2 weeks I have been happier than I have in the last 5 years since I said I do.  He is a wonderful man and my daughter loves him very much.   He makes me coffee every morning and wakes me up with a kiss.... He gives me hugs and kisses for no reason at all.  He cooks, he cleans, he is awesome with Faith.  

We are going to be renting a house in the city that I work in, 4 bedroom 1 and a half bath for only 600 a month.  (I am going to put my house up for short sale. before it hits foreclosure.) I have to get out of the city that I am in now because there are too many painful memories here.   WE are selling off everything that we can, and are going to start COMPLETELY over as a family.  I have not been on meds, or really even depressed much since he came into our lives.   In fact, I lost myself during my marriage and I think he found me again, the true, carefree, happy go lucky girl I used to be....Hell I haven't threatened anyone in over a week now. Damn it, he broke down my walls I had up. And get this, he knows EVERYTHING about me and still hasn't run!! He even knows about you guys here on DS.  A guy that knows me better than I do and sticks around is a freaking awesome guy.  He is actually everything  I have ever wanted. Everything I tried to make Faith's dad into.  I haven't felt this happy in about 5 years, pretty much since I married Faith's dad. 

Anyways, I really don't know what else to say, I know I am just rambling on but I cannot even express the happiness I feel with him...One good thing, (at least he says it is, I haven't decided it yet,) is that he gets me to open up and shares my true feelings with him, whether they're bad feelings or not.  I am not used to being treated with such respect or love....It's all new to me but I love it..... Everyone at work even has commented on how much happier I have been since me and Steve got together.  And how much happier Faith has been.

Thanks for reading!!!!  

today went okay. I was working all day so i didn't have time to think or feel much of anything. still didn't eat but that's okay.  i still wanna be with my siblings, but at least the anxiety has calmed down a little bit. i am mostly just exhausted tonight. i hate feeling like this but o well.

all in all, i dont give a fuck anymore.