Journal

Ok I am steady 46lbs down, have about 20 more to go, only having 1100 cals a day and I am getting really tired of this! I don't know what else I can do to get the weight off. I am clearly not ready to stop but seems like it won't happen. To make it worse we have had dark rainy days here for 2 mos now and I am falling fast. I need the sun, I cannot thrive in the dark, literally! I just want to get in my car and drive out of this hell but I can't. It doesn't help that I am still stuck in arkansas which is the worst place on earth to have to live, I am completely alone and can find no way out cause my income goes faster than it comes. omg this is no life and what is the fighting for anyway if I have nothing. I just wanted to feel better in my body and it was working really good while the weight was coming off but now getting to  the end seems hopeless and ever being able to make enough money to live on is another dead end. I have been looking for part time work to get some financial relief but I only find that I am not qualified to do anything and have no experience to do the low income jobs and at 55 no one is willing to give me a start. So yep stuck place with no vision out. I hate my life and it seems no matter what I do I cannot change this destined misery

O K  2 months later and I have still not reached my goal. I should be done by now in all reasonable aspects but not there for no other reason than my body is just not cooperating. I am still following the plan, in fact eating 100-200 cals less a day than I should be to be loosing my 2 lbs a week but I am only loosing ounces a week. The good side is that I am not gaing and it seems some inches are falling, most frustrating is that I have been faithful and dedicated and just not loosing like I should be. I still have at least 25 lbs to loose before I will be happy and comfortable again but hope that it will happen before the end of the year is loosing ground.  Most people say I look good and should not worry about loosing the rest but I know this is not good for my body or my mind. I have gotten some weights that I now use in daily workouts for upper body boosting and it is helping but damn it feels like I am trying to swim in quicksand and cannot find the way out. People tell me it is normal to hit a plateau but this is 3 mos now and I am over it! Don't know what it will take, I can't really function on less than 1000 cals a day with all the work that i have to do everyday but I will not give up because for me, my life depends on it in so many ways. I am not willing to live a sheltered life feeling embarrassed about how I look and not fitting into normal clothes. For me the fat old ladies department is not where I will ever shop for clothes. I am happy to say that I now fit into junior jeans, a nice size 10 but still a size away from my goal. HOwever my torso is still not fitting into the rediculous tight, skimpy tops that are in the ladies department. Everytime I think that fashion can't get any uglier, it does and the clothes for this fall are really bad and yet people keep buying and wearing them.

Guess no one looks in the mirror, only at the made up air brushed models in magazines.