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Amy E 
Interesting dream discussion with my counselor. The first one, where I was bleeding to death, and I was pregnant, very early in the pregnancy. He thought maybe the pregnancy meant something was being born anew. And the bleeding was that some part of me was dying, maybe allowing the new birth. I kind of think that I have to get everything out before something else can be born.
The second dream where I am in prison could mean that I am not being my true authentic self. That I put myself back in prison could mean that I am not allowing my true self out. I can kind of see that. I am loaded with guilt and shame. I have believed all that my father has said all these years. When I meet up with someone, I leave thinking that my father would be surprised that this person likes me.
I had a conversation with my neighbor/friend today about my father. She struggles with my not talking to my father. She feels that I am not forgiving him. I tried to explain to her that this isn't going to be wrapped up into a neat package. He is the same person who believes that what he has been doing all along is right. If I returned his phone call tomorrow, he would load more guilt on. He would start in about how much I've hurt him. The counselor reminds me of this, knowing that it is so destructive for me. The struggle for me is that I want a father, a parent, and he's the only one left. The counselor doesn't see my father making any moves toward a relationship with me that would be anything but destructive. i know that my lows emotionally are too low to withstand his load of guilt and criticism.
