Amy E's Journal

I must be having really bad pms or something. It's never been much of a problem, but something is amiss. I was in the car today and was listening to a talk show on the radio. A woman called about not having much of a relationship with her parents, particularly her father. She was feeling very guilty and not like she was honoring her parents. The talk show host said that she honors her parents everyday by being a good mother, wife and person. I just started balling in the car.

When I graduated from grad school, I went to my father's house for two weeks before moving to where I am now. It was kind of my last time at home. My brother told me that my father was upset with me, because I didn't say thank you to him. Unbelievable. I am the only one to go to college. I had just finished my masters and had two batchelor's degrees, and all he could think about is what I didn't do for him. I never ever acted like I was entitled and always worked very hard. His wife put the bug in his ear that I should have had some tremendous moment of gratitude with him. I didn't come from a family that expressed anything, not I love you, not thank you, not a single feeling. I told him that I couldn't imagine that he would think that I wasn't appreciative. He was upset that I didn't say I love you to him. Couldn't remember him saying it to me my entire childhood. It was so hard. I was leaving for a life of my own, and it felt so bad to have that problem my last time at home. Hearing that radio show today really hit home with me.