bushy's Journal

Besides myself, I probably have let many people down, but, I offer no excuses to them or to myself.  It is what it is...it was what it was...it will be what it will be...LIFE!  If this seems cryptic...OH WELL...perhaps I'm in a different phase of "arrested development" than the majority of the people who have challenges.  I don't say this to be cruel but only to try, once more, to understand who I have become, for I don't feel as if I am the person that I could or should be.  

After almost a year on dialysis, the scope of my life has "plummeted" to another (What is the word to describe it?)...realm???  Anyyyyyyywayyyyyyyyy, there doesn't seem to be focus on anything BUT doing what it takes in order to maintain my "health"...what an anathema...Do I sound bitter?  Maybe I do because I thought that amputation was the ultimate life-changing, life-destroying occurrence!  Am I angry?  You bet that I am!  I feel as if I am right back to square one.

How the Sugar Honey Ice Tea do I get myself back on track...assuming that I had ever gotten back on track in the first place.  Right now, I feel so overwhelmed and so vulnerable.  I want to be that confident and independent person that I used to be.