79pounds's Journal

i'm very ill and have a fever.  its mostly bronchitis!! i never should have worn shorts this weekend because at night its never warm enough for them here.  so odd that i never properly adapted to north florida and this moist air really hurts my joints like crazy.  too dry is bad and too moist is bad and cold is ALWAYS bad and i know this so why be so careless.  i took bronchitis medicine and napped and i still feel like hell.  poor me.  i feel so awful i wonder if death is better.  lol.  then i hear the song from mash in my head, "suicide, ..."  lol.  its actually a super pretty song, especially acoustic and not hard to play on guitar.   just kidding.  but i do feel awful.  good thing i didn't interview for the new position at work, i'd have been "out" right from the get-go.  but right now a lot of people are out or dead.  one dead so far and one hospitalized.  its all from the economy.  illness lies latent and then life gets tough and the illness surfaces and then you have heart failure literally and its over. 

still getting calls from up north.  it spreads when you talk to a bunch of people you end up talking to many and hearing all kinds of stuff.  some of it i didn't know much about as one of my ex's didn't want me to know so drugged me.  he was like that, a real lunatic.  narcisstic personality disorder, him and his father.  (HE'S A DOCTOR NOW.  a chiropractor in west palm.  totally sick that he is, as his main interest in that field was spinal manipulations that kill.  (jc's father is a hoodlum.  a professional thief that uses his real estate license and office as a cover for what he really does.)  everyone i knew was against jc, as he got older because he was ending up as criminal as his father or worse.  even his father said it.  i think my family was sorry they ever let him hang around for three years.  the girl around the block from us, susanl was his victim the summer i was in the teaneck house just before i bought it.  a lot of jc's shannanigans we used to think were funny during his first year of college, when i was still in highschool myself.  but a few years later, it wasn't funny anymore because he was using his looks to commit crime against girls and guys interested in him.  most of  the parents never felt the things jc would do was funny to begin with, but what jc did wasn't criminal yet so they let it go. 

susanl was still in highschool and everyone thought it extremely odd that he would date someone who lived around the block from my parents house while still engaged to me, even though i was living in teaneck at the time.  i had gotten this great job while in school working for rubyglow cosmetics and was stunned they hired me to do corporate sales as i was soooo young at the time.  they needed someone who modelled but who also had sales backround etc. and i had to take all these tests to get the job.  it paid MORE than any job i have had since because the company was in the middle of expanding into larger stores and part of the salary was commission.  i hadn't started yet, but i was very preoccupied with training and with school.  i had no clue jc was up to something.  he had decided to "pimp out" susanl to get enough money for gas and going out with his friends for his first year of chiropractic school.  he actually got a hotel room and drugged her and DID this.  the girl who set her up for all of this name was rosemary and lived down the street from susanl.  he thought it was fool-proof because of the number of drugs that make a victim have amnesia and his room mate's fiance was a pharmacy student and could get a few of any drug.  he didn't care at all what he was having done to susanl.  he paid rosemary a small fee for convincing susanl to go out and setting up the whole thing.  rosemary paid for the hotel room because jc didn't have much money during school.  rosemary thought the set up great because jc paid her double or whatever she paid for the room.  he kept the rest of it and it never occurred to rosemary that she was committing crime, holding another captive, which falls under kidnapping, for crumbs compared to what he was making on it.  i wonder if rosemary would have done it for free, because she was that jealous of susanl, and that is hate-crime.  rosemary had always been jealous of susanl because susanl was waaaaay prettier than rosemary and her parents bought susanl anything she wanted.  the main thing i remember about susanl is she had a really cool playhouse that was sort of like a tablecloth and fit over a card table.  soooo fun.  lol.  rosemary was and is a psycho bitch. 

susanl got pregnant from what happened and she contacted jc because she didn't remember the rest of it.  rosemary told my family this because she thought this was a riot.  susanl had NO IDEA what he had really done, nor that he was still engaged at the time, she claimed.  she said rosemary told her i moved away, to another state or something.  susanl was only 16 and moved down the shore with her sister for the year to have the baby and jc said to her father straight out, that he doubted the baby was his anyway and he had no intention of sticking around for someone he barely knew who was still in highschool.  during the mess no one was sure which sister had gotten pregnant as the sisters are close in age, and jc kept insisting it wasn't his.  the following year, jc's father wanted a blood test done, not because he liked susanl, but because jc had this idea about using the BABY for porn to make a bunch of money from a one time gig.  jc and his father didn't see anything wrong with this.  jc's room mates at school said that was the last straw when jc came up with that and all of them moved out except for one.  which left jc in more financial straights.  he said he couldn't believe what a bunch of goody-goody's they were and they should have had his life as a kid and get a clue.  i guess his father abused him as well. 

when we found out how he was treating susanl, we couldn't believe how scummy these people are.  they lived in a million dollararea, but had also started getting caught stealing from their neighbors.  they went too far and the town his family was living in wanted them OUT OF TOWN.  susanl only found out what he had actually done to her when the blood test came out not matching either one of them, not her and not jc.  jc insisted the baby who was blonde and blue eyed looked identical to him as a baby (his hair became dark brown later on, he was platinum blonde for the first 3 years of his life).  he wasn't smart enough to realize that blood tests are trickier than just the mother and the father and susanl's family was glad he was a dumb ass.  dna testing didn't exist yet and by the time it did, the baby was given up for adoption when it was a few years old. 

when susanl finished college, she had decided she couldn't stand to see the kid around as a reminder because she started remembering bits of it as time went on, and she had met someone in virginia where she went to school who had lost their infant son a few years before and couldn't have another one.  it was a huge fight, because her parents would have adopted the child.  instead they had permission to visit every summer.  none of them ever really got over it, especially her sister who had raised the baby the most.  what disgusts everyone is that jc and his father got away with it scott-free.  it also makes people wonder what he is REALLY doing in west palm as their family is totally corrupt.  also jc is not smart enough to pass board exams, so he had to have had someone else take them for him.  i ran that passed k who is a former chiropractor and he said that kind of thing happens all the time especially back then.  susanl and her sister always pointed out that jc had to have been drugging me with similar drugs because i broke up with jc a zillion times, and then we'd go back and i wouldn't recall most of it.  it went on like that for a couple of years. 

he tried the same crap when he came down to south florida a few years later and again a few years after that.  anytime i was doing anything big he'd show up, probably hoping to steal or make money off of it somehow.  to this day he hasn't paid ANY of what he and his father stole from me, which is HUGE!!!  he always SAYS he will pay me finally, every time he shows up and then wastes a lot of my time and pays NOTHING.  my evil step sister and a few lawyers who i used to work for and a court reporting firm where i used to work back then when i was super young, all of whom also owe me money do the same thing.  so that i don't even take their calls when i remember the rest of it, anymore.  its sickening.  cs, laurie s's father,  claims its possible that jc didn't drug me (though i know he did and so did donj, br and sw)  because i stroke out from extreme emotion good and bad,  and i'm not sure if its just the head injuries that cause that, or training from being in the arts pro as a kid as they train you to block everything out in order to perform better.   it should be illegal to train little kids to do that.  anytime you get into big money or fame on any level even small it becomes corrupt and dangerous.  and the only way around that is total isolation, but then you won't be at all creative.  what a mess. 

cs says that he interrogated me once, for using his office, where i worked at the time, late at night when my friend had a psychology paper due for school and then we were going to go to the prosecutor's office at night where my other friend's father was a lawyer to make copies (we didn't have a copy machine) but we ended up using the funeral parlor office where my boyfriend at the time worked.  lol.  they are open at night.  lol.  all the bodies i guess, just kidding.  half-kidding.  cs kept questioning me a few days in a row, because he said he didn't know "where to start" on why all of this was wrong and my friend's mother called and the lawyer who owned our school.  and he says when he pursued it again, i stroked out.  like i was talking to cs one minute and the next minute it was a total blank.  that's called stroking out.  (similar to having a stroke) my boyfriend was furious when he found out what cs did and after that cs was always careful not to overdue the interrogation pressure thing, like he'd ask me once or twice and leave it there.  but i do have a problem with stressors.  he said it freaked him out when that happened.  i barely remember that even now.